


Cause and Effect

by quoll



Category: Crash Bandicoot (Video Games)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Emotional Manipulation, Fluff and Angst, Hugs, Kissing, M/M, Past Abuse, Time Travel, Time bomb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-12-14 22:21:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 24,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11792673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quoll/pseuds/quoll
Summary: N Tropy needs an assistant for his studies, and N Gin needs something to do.(Set shortly after the events of Warped/Time Twister)





	1. Exploration

The sky was gloomy outside as he worked in his quarters. Today he favoured the snug warmth of his small cramped room compared to the coldness of his lab. Here he felt he had true solitude, where as in his lab he could be disturbed at any moment by various intrusions- Dr Cortex, an escaped creation, a rogue heat seeking missile, anything really. 

Rain pattered gently against the glass of the tall arched window and he took a break from tinkering with the small device to lean back and look outside. It was hard to tell if it was night or day with the torrents of rain they'd had the last few days, and though he had always been a homebody he was starting to get a little stir crazy being confined to his chambers. Sure, he could walk around the castle and stretch his legs, but going outside was a challenge. There was the risk of short circuiting, being struck by lightening, or just slipping in the mud and ruining his only lab coat. All were terrible outcomes.

N Gin sighed and grimaced, wiggling restlessly in his chair to try and get comfortable. He was trying to work out the central components of the life support system for their future space station, but on a much smaller, more cost effective scale. Dr. Cortex had given him little time to work. The man was impatient, but his mood had shifted into something even more unpleasant since the failings with the Time Twister. He supposed if he had been locked in looping time hell as an infant, he, too, would suffer some ill effects. Still, it was exhausting, and he was overwhelmed with work. Smoke flooded the room as a sharp pain ran through his head and he sighed lowly, pathetically as he rubbed above his eyebrow to try and still the pain.

The small man placed the cube of gears and wires down and kicked away from the desk. He hopped down from the chair and stretched, his joints popping and cracking. How long had he been sitting there? Hard to say at this point, he had little concept of time, between the constant darkness outside and getting absorbed in his thoughts. Having rarely slept, as well, added to his constant time confusion. N Gin hummed to himself quietly as he waddled through the long hallway adorned with candles and tattered wall hangings. What was Cortex's affinity for castles? They were obsolete and outdated, but in turn they were less conspicuous than alternatives, he reasoned.

N Gin continued to mindlessly glance around until he was absorbed entirely in the beautiful mural above him on the ceiling. He'd never noticed it before. It was chipped and fading, but most of it was there to see. It was a gorgeous display of the night sky and its planetary positions and their surrounding constellations. Around them were decorated alchemic rings and circles, complex but artful formulas, and flourishing gibberish he could never understood if he tried. It encompassed a circular area and it all revolved around the focal point- the sun. He briefly wondered who had resided in this castle before they started squatting in it.

Suddenly he made contact with something solid and fell to the ground with a pathetic grunt. He rubbed his backside gently before looking ahead to his obstacle. It was too tall to be Dr Cortex, too tall to be most people really. His eyes trailed up the long legs to their owner- Nefarious. The cold figured sneered down at him with seeming annoyance, his glare so sharp it sent a shudder through the small man.

"Ah, sorry, Dr. Nefarious, I-I didn't see you there." N Gin stuttered out in a small voice, chuckling nervously but not smiling.

"Obviously." His answer was simple, snide, but not without an small inflection of amusement. His eyes followed where N Gin's had been and he admired the ceiling in silence. He then clucked his tongue in boredom, "What are you doing?"

"Oh I'm just uh... You know, _haaanging_ out..."" He shrugged and smiled awkwardly. He didn't really know what he was doing himself, how could he answer such a question?

Tropy rolled his eyes, "I need an assistant to help me carry out some research, if you aren't too busy doing... whatever _this_ is, then perhaps you'd like to come along?"

"Ohh..." N Gin let out an odd, low sound of excitement as he slowly got to his feet. Something felt off, however. The doctor had never asked him anywhere before, and they had only spoken in passing or during mandatory gatherings. The most interaction they'd had was working to stabilizing the Time Twister to allow his and Cortex's return. His curiosity would not relent though, and he was about to go crazy- or at least more so than he already was- if he had to stay cooped up much longer.

"Yes! Yes, I would love to!" He bounced slightly, mentally kicking himself for having such a poor handle on his emotions. His ears reddened some in embarrassment and a faint smell of exhaust could be picked up as well. Tropy did not berate nor tease him as Cortex would have, and instead simply thrust a clipboard into his awaiting hands. He looked up at the man questioningly.

"I need to document a few things, I have some ideas for this... 'space station' _Dr Cortex_ ," He sneered lightly, his disdain for the man ever present, "is so excited about. You know, something to actually enable it to perform properly. You've seen his notes, too, yes? Utter drivel."

"I, uh..." N Gin gulped some and muttered incoherently. He felt wrong bad mouthing anything his superior did, and feared impending punishment if he spoke out of line... but Tropy was _also_ his superior, which put him in a suddenly stressful situation. To his relief the man already seemed bored talking about Cortex and started off walking, motioning for N Gin to follow. He waddled behind him, struggling to keep up with his long stride. Two steps for the lanky figure was nearly six for N Gin.  
As if realizing this, suddenly Tropy slowed his pace to a more casual walk, and N Gin sighed out thankfully, doing his best to hide how out of breath he was from jogging along side him.

"You'll need something to protect you from the momentum, unless you want to implode." Nefarious said dryly as they approached his lab. It, like his own, was cold and spacious, but so much more elegant and neatly organized. His own was a jumbled scrap heap of broken and half finished projects. He had a bad habit of starting a project only to abandon it and begin another as a better, more exciting idea popped into his head. Everything was neatly arranged and labeled precisely, shelves stocked with books and odd looking bits and bobbles. Many of these things were items he had collected in his travels, ancient machinery made better, or just simply there to satisfy his endless hunger for knowledge.

"I think this will fit you? Maybe. Come here." Tropy picked up a chest piece similar to his own he wore on his travels, only it did not have a clock on it, rather various gears and wires. The two large pistons in the back had been replaced with several smaller ones all feeding into the large raised square surface on the front of the armour "It's a prototype, but I think it'll do. You'll be helping me in multiple ways today."

N Gin murmured oddly but no actual words came out. He stood by awkwardly as the tall man knelt down and fastened the device on him, similar how a parent would tie a life jacket onto their child. It fit around him snugly, but molded to him comfortably. It was almost as if it had been made for him.  
He held his arms out as the armour clamped together on both sides. There was a sudden compression in his chest and stomach. It was a bit difficult to draw in a full breath in this thing, but be that the device or his weight he couldn't be sure, and didn't want to draw that kind of attention to himself. Whatever this thing was, it felt cold and tingly, like electricity. N Gin looked down at it, touching the slowly turning cogs then pulling away quickly as they threatened to pinch his finger. He was embarrassed and glanced up to see if Tropy had been watching him- he was.

He adorned himself with his usual gear and gathered his large tuning fork, "This is different than the Time Twister, and you cannot touch _anything_ unless I tell you to, do you understand? Picking, a- a daisy could possibly lead to catastrophic affects in present time. And, as hilarious as complete and utter chaos is, this is purely for research purposes. In short, keep your hands to yourself. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir." N Gin nodded and hugged the clipboard of charts to his chest. He suddenly felt nervous. What if he messed up? What if he set off a chain of events that would undo _everything_. The thought of it was both elating, and frightening. He was terrified of being a disappointment. He had little confidence in himself, the decades of bullying from home, to school, to his work having chipping it out of him small pieces at a time. 

"Don't hold your breath or you'll pass out." Tropy said simply as he made some adjustments to the metal sleeve of his arm and tapped his fork on the ground. N Gin only had a moment to mutter out a confused sound before it felt like he was being hit by a bus, perpetually. The momentum was so intense he found he couldn't move, he felt dizzy and nauseated as his lunch from earlier threatened to come up. It reminded him of one of those horrible spinning rides at amusement parks, only infinitely more terrible. There were lights, discombobulated sounds and flashes of time. And as suddenly as it began it was over.

Tropy dusted the ashes off himself, the spot where they 'appeared' having left a giant burnt patch in the grass around them. N Gin rubbed his forehead, willing the nausea to go away. His ears were ringing and he felt unsteady, like he was standing on an uneven floor. He leaned forward and wretched, throwing up much to his own embarrassment. He expected Tropy to be disgusted by him, and likely he was, but there was no harsh words or chastising that followed.  
"Ah, yes, I remember my first time." The doctor chuckled some and sighed, then snapped out of his musings quickly, "Come along then."

N Gin wiped his mouth then hurried after him on unsteady legs. They trembled as he walked, but after a while the traumatic effects ebbed off and the pressure in his chest and head subsided. The thought that he would have to endure that again on the way back made him almost wish he hadn't come along at all. Almost. 

"I would call the prototype a success. I was concerned the chest would cave in under the pressure, but it seemed to have made it through with only a small dent." Tropy said as he looked down at the smaller man walking hurriedly beside him. That would explain the deep pressure in his chest, then, it was literally about to be crushed. That gave him even more anxiety about the travel back.  
While they walked he stole glances at the man that towered above him. They had worked together closely to stabilize the Time Twister, but after that their time together had dwindled down to nothing as they both had their own duties to attend to. He had always been curious about Tropy. Where did he come from, and what did he like? He must have such vast amounts of knowledge and stories, having collected them for centuries. Or was it more than that? He dared to think he was actually pleasant to be around, and he loved eavesdropping on his personal musings, or just watching him work from a crack in the door. He, too, had seemed a bit changed after being stuck in the purgatory-like time loop, but it was something he couldn't put his finger on. Maybe he was just thinking too much into things.

In his thoughts he failed to pay attention to where he was going and heard something smash under his foot. He lifted his shoe up tentatively to examine it, a thick gelatinous strand of purple ooze connecting him to his victim, and realized he had killed a very large bee, about the size of his fist. It buzzed lowly and weakly before giving out, its legs occasionally twitching. He gave a startled sound, then began to inwardly panic, Tropy's words echoing in his head. He trembled and placed his foot down, back onto the obliterated insect.

"Ahh, m-master, I'm-I'm so sorry..." N Gin sputtered out in panic as he stood glued to the ground. He starting breathing rapidly, anxiety gripping him and threatening to break him where he stood. Oh, what had he done? It wasn't so much the chaotic effects of his actions he was worried about, he was terrified of disappointing the man. It was the first actual bit of personal time he'd gotten to spend with him, he didn't want to ruin it on account of his being clumsy.

The man turned around and looked at him oddly, "What are you so panicked about?"

"I-I-I... I _killed_ it!" N Gin pointed to his foot hysterically, trembling. This was it, he'd screwed it up. At least with Cortex he knew what to expect, but Tropy was unfamiliar territory. He had never dealt with Tropy's anger before, but he had seen snippets of it from his arguments with Cortex and his underlings. The man could quickly work himself up into a rage, and that cool, methodical exterior would melt into a fit of frustration and desperation. He didn't know if this would be such a time.

Tropy cocked a brow and looked down at his foot then back to him, his face questioning.  
"I-I stepped on something, I stepped on a bee. What if... Oh, what if this makes the entire ecosystem fail now?" He raked his fingers through his hair nervously, hands trembling. As Tropy approached him he instinctivity cowered.

"Are you serious? Do you know what this means? You have _completely_ wiped out the entirety of this planet's food chain. With no bees, there is no pollination, no fruit, no animals, no humans. It's purely evil, but there is no one to celebrate you."

N Gin hiccuped awkwardly as he sniveled, both ashamed and elated at his triumph and failure. The tall man knelt down and regarded him oddly for a moment. His face was grave, but in a flash it relaxed into something of a smirk.

"I was teasing, you twit. The butterfly effect is... More complicated than that. Mm, Sometimes." Tropy checked the meter on his metal sleeve, pushing some buttons and nodding a bit, "Everything's fine in our timeline, save for a slightly lowered percentage of apple trees."

N Gin stood there dumbly, glancing from the doctor to his foot in an attempt to process that he had not singlehandedly destroyed the world. The doctor grew impatient and tugged on his arm, uprooting him from the ground "Come on, you're wasting precious time."

N Gin blinked in confusion as the tall man pulled him along like a disobedient child. He slowly came to the conclusion he'd actually done nothing wrong, but the shame and unease he felt inside did not abate. His stress made any of the doctor's attempts at consolement or humour crash and burn. As they walked he tried to scrape the bug carcass off his boot discreetly in the grass until they came to a sudden halt in the middle of the dense forest.

"Ah, yes this is what I was looking for. You see that up there?" Tropy pointed to a small oddly shaped fruit dangling from the twisting, snake like tree in front of them. N Gin squinted his eyes, straining to see it among the canopy of leaves. He gave a meek sound of agreement then the Doctor continued, "They're extinct in our timeline. They used to be numerous, but over time, with the oxygen levels dropping off, so too did they. However, they're self replicating and happen to be a very versatile fuel source."

"Ah, so you could use them in place of our current rocket fuel, or combine it?"

"I'm leaning towards trying a mixed approach. If i could incorporate this element within our existing recipe, I theorize I could extend the life of our fuel supply by twenty years, or better." 

N Gin flipped through some of his notes, admiring his neat, flourishing hand writing. He had heard from many people he had the hand writing of a serial killer, so looking at another's that was so elegant was oddly pleasurable. The theories made sense, and the proposed formula caught his eye, "If you reconfigure this equation... If this source does what I think it does, you could also make it to where it was slow burning, which would extend its life more and put less strain on the space station as a whole."

N Gin paused, opening his mouth hesitantly for a moment before actually speaking, "You know if it grows off itself, as long as it isn't toxic we could possibly use it as an energy to run the entire station on, rather than having a heavy generator room. I-in theory, I mean..."

His confidence wavered under Tropy's intimidating gaze. He looked over what the smaller man had pointed out and nodded some, "Yes, I can see where that's plausible. I'll have to run an analysis on it to see if we can make it safe for biological life forms to be in that close proximity to, but if so, we will have what is literally an infinite supply of energy."

N Gin felt something bubble up inside of him and rest in his chest. It made it hard to breathe again, but he wasn't sure why. His feelings often ruled his life, yet was disconnected from them at the same time. Tropy mused a moment about N Gin's proposal, scratching his chin then used his tuning fork to will the small fruit towards him. He broke it open with ease and removed the tiny pit from within. The flesh of it was oily and smelled putrid and sweet, much like rotting fruit. The pit fit neatly into the palm of his hand then he offered it to N Gin to inspect. It was much _denser_ than he expected it to be and fumbled it in his hands awkwardly before getting a hold on it.

It was so heavy. The pit was smooth and round like a pebble, but had an odd smell like ammonia and coal and left a shiny, slick residue on his gloved fingers, "Are these even edible?"

"Sure, if you want to spontaneously combust, be my guest. You would be better off drinking gasoline than eating one of these." Tropy chuckled lightly as he wiped his hands off then took the clipboard from N Gin and began scribbling down some notes, flipping through the pages and making changes to his various diagrams. N Gin sighed and looked back down at the small clump he held then idly began to wander off from the doctor.

The air was clean and crisp and smelled like fall leaves and sweet grass. It was silent, save for the occasional call of an unfamiliar bird in the distance. He continued to walk slowly, observing the unadulterated nature around him. He had never seen a place like this. Sure, he had been in the woods many times, but never such a thick and luscious jungle as this one. The tree canopies were so thick light could barely filter in in some spots, yet somehow it was devoid of any animal life. There were insects, large ones, and some birds, but nothing else. It was eerie.

When he looked up he suddenly realized he had no idea where he was and that small seed of panic within him started to sprout again. He muttered out incoherently to himself in his anxiety as he looked for his tracks back, but there were none. The ground was covered in leaves and thick vegetation, nothing could leave foot prints here, nothing human anyway.

He tried for what felt like forever to find his way back but ended up getting himself deeper into the forest. It was so dark here and he could hear thunder rumbling in the distance. There was sound around him, rustling leaves and breaking twigs, but it echoed oddly and bounced around in the hub of leaves and branches, making it impossible to find the source. It was disorientating, but it was getting closer. He was certain it was some giant monstrosity of an animal, and like a fool he'd brought nothing to arm himself. As it approached closer at a more rapid pace he knew it saw him, but he could not find it in his anxiety induced stupor. It was on him, touching him, and he yelped, flailing at it mercilessly.

"Stop- stop _that_. You _idiot_ you could have gotten yourself killed!" Tropy approached him quickly, sighing out harshly and pulling him to after fending off the flailing attack to his legs. He hugged him tightly and N Gin's mind fizzled out. The torrents of frightened thoughts he had were replaced with dull, fuzzy warmth. He could not muster up the mental signals to return the affection, so instead just leaned into the hug and closed his eyes while Tropy chastised him under his breath. Suddenly the man pulled away and N Gin had to catch himself before falling forward. As his senses returned to him slowly, his mind struggled to take in what had just happened, and why had it happened?

He chanced a glance at Tropy then looked away. He couldn't be sure of the expression on his face, but if he didn't know better there was a level of embarrassment to his anger. Finally the doctor's face relaxed and he sighed some, "Right. Well, we've came what we were after. We should be going, the weather here is volatile and it looks like an electrical storm's approaching."

N Gin was confused, his heart beating awkwardly and aching with some strange yearning as he stood beside Tropy. There was a tight pressure, his head spinning and instantly he was queasy as he stumbled forward. Everything was too bright, too busy. Then suddenly they were back in Tropy's lab. He was inwardly thankful he'd already thrown up, as he would have felt guilty defacing the polished perfection that was his lab. His legs threatened to give way but he willed them to manage so he could preserve one shred of his dignity, if there was any left.

Tropy took the small seed pit from him and placed it into a beaker to examine later and began to help N Gin out of his suit. He was silent, brows creased in concentration as he tried to undo the particularly tricky lock. It had melted some during travel and as a result was proving a challenge.

"I uh... I don't guess you'll be wanting to use me as your assistant anymore." N Gin chuckled out softly, uncomfortably. He gulped some as Tropy's eyes met his. They were fierce and sharp, intimidating, but at the same time something about them was so inviting and almost hypnotic.

"Why do you say that? So you threw up and killed something. We all do our first go around." He shrugged slightly as he pried at the fastened sides of the protective chest piece, "You did well, and I appreciate your time."

"Uh I... Th-thank you, master." Gin stuttered, his tone bordering shrill from the sheer elation he felt from being praised. He wasn't sure what to do with his excitement, and between the hug earlier and now this, he felt like he might explode.

Tropy grimaced slightly, "Please stop calling me that, it's _extremely_ off putting."

"Oh, then what should I call you?" He asked in confusion. Cortex and all his superiors preferred to be addressed as master, or some formal variation of their name. Tropy was on par with Cortex, so it struck him as strange he would ask anything different. It was how the hierarchy worked.

He cocked a brow, "You know my name, use it. I know it sounds odd, but the reason we have names is to make it easier to address others."

His sarcasm was lost on N Gin as he looked at him strangely, but his attention was diverted as the doctor finally got the metal plate off him. He heaved it onto the table, resting his hands on his hips as he examined the damage. Overall, he seemed pleased it had only sustained, what he considered, minor damage. He removed his own armor and smoothed out his lab coat, then began examining the seed in the glass jar. Tropy started gathering various beakers and vials from the cupboard above the table and started arranging them neatly.

"Should I leave you, sir?" N Gin asked awkwardly, rubbing his hands together.

"No, Actually, I was hoping we could work together. We both know Cortex's forte isn't... Well, _anything_. His ideas are plausible, and functional, but a bit outdated compared to our current needs. I think with our combined talents, we could create something remarkable."

He felt bubbly inside, excited, eager. The stress of being overworked and overwhelmed had suddenly melted away from him at the doctor's prospect. He agreed eagerly and waddled off quickly to his quarters to gather his notes and research. Suddenly, being cooped up in the castle on a rainy day had lost its dismal feeling.


	2. Observation

The past two weeks had been a host to new ideas and sleepless nights working in Nefarious' lab. Of course, he still had his own reservations and anxiety about the entire situation, but when was he ever complacent about something? In their time together, they had managed to accomplish what N Gin was struggling with for nearly a month- a small, cost effective, and easily maintained life support system that would regulate itself. The matter of fuel and energy had come easily enough, and the rest followed suit quickly.

Though he would hesitate to say it, he was intimidated by how ingenious Nefarious actually was. He had more knowledge than he or Cortex could ever muster between them. Sometimes he felt as though the man was humouring his ideas, pretending to be shocked at his brilliance or proposed breakthroughs. That was probably his own self doubt, he reasoned, but it was always ever present in the back of his mind.

"What are we working on today, sir?" N Gin rubbed his hands together eagerly and looked up at Nefarious. 

He audibly thought aloud, humming and stroking his thin beard. He seemed animated- happy, even. It made N Gin's stomach churn and quiver, but not in a sickly manner, "I thought we could take the day off."

"A... day off?" N Gin regarded him with confusion. He hadn't taken a day off in years, decades even. The last day off he could recall was trying to put his face back together.

"Sure. We're ahead of schedule, and if Cortex can slip off to the beach, I don't see why we can't do something in the meantime as well." Tropy regarded him with a small smirk. It felt so devious and naughty, slacking off while having been given strict orders to stay busy. 

It made him tremble with excitement and he soon found himself agreeing to it, a high, excited giggle escaping him as he did so, "What-What did you have in mind?" 

"Oh, no, not me. You. Whatever you'd like." Tropy replied lightly.

"Me?" N Gin gulped nervously, the excitement leaving him all at once. This had never gone well in the past, not at all. He was sure he and Nefarious shared similar interest, such as books and music, but one could only bond over these things so much. He knew Tropy had refined tastes, but outside of the lab and work, he still had little knowledge of what exactly made him tick.

"Yes. I'm always choosing where we go, and when. Wouldn't you like to take the lead for a change?" Nefarious looked down at him kindly, patiently. _What did he want to do?_ Something so simple was so difficult. He was always alone and never really had to consider anyone's interests but his own. He wracked his brain, trying to think of something that he enjoyed that wouldn't bore or offend Nefarious. So many of his ideas felt so... _intimate_ , such as drinking together and listening to his records, playing games together, or going to an amusement park. He briefly thought that Nefarious could probably win all the prizes in the stand, and that thought made his ears redden.

Oh, no, it was getting worse. His face felt hot and he could hear steam escaping from the port of his missile to try and regulate his body temperature. The longer he tried to think of something, the more awkward his ideas became. No, he wasn't supposed to choose, he wasn't supposed to be in charge. It had never been that way and he didn't know how to handle that sort of pressure. Everything he often ended up choosing was wrong and his likes were regarded as strange or boring to others. Hell, just the other day he'd spent an hour burning ants with a magnifying glass then wondering if they were edible. He'd shamefully tried one, and it was delicious. He felt that such activities would be... less than desirable for someone like Tropy. 

A lingering question is why did he care so much what the man thought of him? He pondered again. There was one thing he might like to do. It was a safe border between work and intimacy, and he felt Nefarious might be someone who could appreciate what he wanted to show him.

"Uh, I want to stay here...?" N Gin finally managed, his voice wavering and uncertain as he tried to gauge Nefarious' reaction. There was none, rather just a complacent, expecting look. He raised an eyebrow to goad the little cyborg on, "Uhh, and m-maybe work on something..."

"That doesn't sound like much of a day off." The taller man teased with a small sneer.

"Uh, well, no it's _um_..." He twiddled his thumbs, "I've been working on... _something_ for a while now... It was my graduate thesis when I was in school, and I've been building on it over time. I-I thought maybe, you might like to see it?"

His heart hammered in his chest as he slowly began to wring his hands. He'd shown a handful of people this, some of these being his professors that evaluated his project. They'd failed it, because they didn't believe he actually had any potential for leadership in the science world, and in turn had stolen the research from someone else. By them he had been seen as an assistant, a henchman, someone incapable of creating and only there to maintain. Nothing more, nothing less. His biggest breakthrough had simultaneously been one of the worst days of his life. Sure, he proved everyone wrong later by becoming a hot shot in the defense industry, but even that had blown up in his face. Literally.

"Sure. But uh..." Tropy's face fell a moment, "Please tell me it isn't a potato lamp."

N Gin snorted with a shrill giggle, "No. No, it's nothing like that."

"Good." He sighed breezily, "I've seen more of those than any one person should have to. I can't stand them, they're so tacky..."

N Gin waddled alongside Nefarious as he led the man to his lab, listening to his musings and complaints about various things he found absurd along the way. As much as he was wanted to, he was finding it difficult to concentrate on anything being said. He was concerned what Tropy would think of his lab, and how it would reflect on him as an assistant. N Gin had never brought anyone down here, save for Cortex, of course. N Gin was nervous and suddenly very self-conscious. Nefarious' lab was elegant and something of any scientists dream, while as N Gin's... well, it was more like a scrapyard. He hesitated a moment before pushing open the heavy metal doors, the noxious combined smell of oiled metals, kerosene, and gunpowder being the first things to hit him. For him it was sheer ecstasy, but for Tropy he could hear the audible grunt of displeasure.

"So, this is it. But what I want to show you is in the back." N Gin smiled up at him nervously, watching his expression out of the corner of his eye and trying to catch any glimpse of judgment, or disgust.

"It's very... quaint." The doctor folded his hands behind him, obviously searching for something kind to say about the clusterfuck of machinery and ruined technology. There were also old tins of food collecting various shades of mold scattered over the workbenches and ares where towers of papers had fallen off their desks and spilled into the floor. Many were stained with oily foot prints, showing they had been there for some time, "Um. You know, I could help you clean this up some time, if you'd like."

"No, I know it sounds strange but I actually prefer it like this. I don't mind." N Gin chuckled. He never knew when he might need a certain component and with all this mess around him he had access to everything he could ever need. Tropy shrugged in a 'suit yourself' fashion and followed along beside him at a slow pace as N Gin led him into a room jutting off from his main laboratory. That had gone over much better than expected.

Much like the main area of his lab, the room was littered with books, messy diagrams, and deconstructed explosives. A long extinguished fireplace sat in the corner next to the lone cot, littered with various magazines from artillery and weaponry, to home decorating. The large desk was not spared from clutter as heavy stacks of paper and books towered nearly to the ceiling in an almost comical fashion. Despite this, it was oddly comfortable and the gentle lighting from the small windows gave it a sleepy, peaceful feeling. N Gin pushed a tall stack of books out of the way and revealed what he had been wanting to show Tropy. It was two small rodents in a cage, both of them standing at attention and running over to the bars to greet their master. A coy smile bloomed on his face as he watched Tropy stoic expression light up with confusion, and something else he couldn't quite put his finger on.

"That's it? They're rats." Nefarious stated simply, obviously. He seemed puzzled and cocked his brow, "I don't understand. Why are you showing me your pets?" 

N Gin took great delight in managing to stump such a brilliant mind, far more so than his own. The smaller man giggled some as he took one of the creatures out of its cage and took a seat in one of the chairs by the desk. The rat was friendly, docile, and a bit fat. It overflowed from N Gin's small hands.

"Well... They're not really pets." N Gin said as he gently stroked the ears of the blonde creature. They had small plates of metal on their heads, and other areas of their bodies. The current one he was holding looked like some sci-fi creation, a metal plate on its head and a small monitor embedded into its chest. There was a tube of something leading from the monitor to its right arm, which was hairless, slightly smaller, and a little deformed, "They're like me."

Nefarious raised a brow and took a seat beside N Gin, who offered offered the small, round rodent to him. Tropy chuckled nervously in response, "No, no, that's... Ah..."

He trailed off and remained perfectly still, cringing visibly as N Gin sat it on his thigh. He had his arms drawn close to his lithe body as he tried to lean as far away from the bathing rodent as possible. N Gin snorted again in a giggle, "Are you afraid of rats?"

"What? That's-that's _completely_ preposterous," He scoffed and smirked some, but it curled into an uncomfortable sneer as he looked down at the rat. N Gin's smile widened as he looked at him, clearly unconvinced.  
"  
"I just... hate their small, grubby hands. They're disgusting." Nefarious looked at him defensively. He was getting flustered, "I- _look_ , it's a _perfectly_ reasonable feeling, look at it. It- it's filthy. I'm not 'afraid' of them, I simply... _distrust_ them. _Stop_ giggling."

"Aw, but he _likes_ you..." N Gin teased warmly and nudged the rat's supple haunches. With trembling fingers, Tropy gingerly picked up the rat, face twisting into disgust. He placed it quickly into N Gin's awaiting hands.

"Yes, but he can like me over _there_." He huffed and brushed off his leg where the creature had been sitting. He cleared his throat, his face an odd, reddish colour. N Gin narrowed his eyes then snorted in a devious giggle. The giant statue of a man, so cold and intimidating, was blushing. Nefarious clasped his hands together, clearly eager to get the focus off his 'distrust' of rats, "Now then! How are these... _things_ , like you?"

"Hehe. Well... They shouldn't be alive, but they are. I found this one outside a few months ago caught in a trap." He patted the lazy rodent, "When I was a kid I didn't really... Have any friends, so I spent most of my time by myself, working..."

It sounded pathetic, and there was really no easier way to frame it- he was a loser, and to occupy his time he indulged in the macabre and strange. Frankenstein had always been his favourite book, and it had inspired him in so many ways. He had spent years working on his theory, and to his good fortune, or misfortune, it is what allowed him to be alive today. 

"I always wondered about how lizards can regrow their limbs, and I wanted to see if with engineering you could trick the body into reduplicating from its tissue's memory..." N Gin glanced at Tropy, trying to get an idea if this was something he would be interested in. Cortex had shown interest, but he had also picked through his research and taken whatever he wanted as his own. He was fearful he was being naive, but he didn't think Tropy was the type to do such a thing.

"Hm, interesting. So tell me about this one, why is it especially ugly?" Tropy pointed at the rat and recoiled his hand quickly when it tied to sniff him. 

N Gin chortled quietly, the sound more of an odd wheeze, "They have a similar life support system as me, only it's a lot smaller and easier to manage. He lost his arm in the trap, I managed to regrow it, and the tube you see here constantly filters nutrients and collects data from its muscle memory, so it's constantly improving itself. It isn't perfect, but-"

"So, wait- you've learned how to trigger actual regeneration in mammals?" Tropy laughed quietly in disbelief, "And you didn't think to share this with anyone?"

N Gin made a noncommittal noise. He was sharing it now, wasn't he? So far this had been his most positive experience with it. As it was, his place was beside Cortex, assisting or building machinery. Those were things he was actually good at. This, on the other hand, was risky, unstable, and completely self-serving.

"Something happened." He said simply and pulled him from his thoughts. N Gin cast him an unsettled look. How did he know that? Was he really being that obvious? It made him feel uneasy but he brushed it off, playing it off as his own paranoia. 

"You're just... very hesitant to talk about it." Tropy added quickly. He was, because it brought awkward, embarrassing memories with it. Maybe the doctor could be trusted with it, and listen to him without turning it into a mockery. N Gin idly stroked his fingers through the rat's fur, distancing himself from his thoughts.

 

_He stood in the mirror a while, staring at himself. His normally wild hair was smoothed down and neatly combed, and he had paid special attention to press his nicest uniform. He looked awkward, and his nervous fidgeting amplified this. Still, he was passable as decent. His underbite, slouched back, and roll of fat bulging from under his sweater vest detracted from this, however, leaving him in some neutral ground like a particularly ugly puppy._

__

__

_Today was the last day for finals and all the underclassmen had to present something they had been researching during their four years of study. It was the single most important evaluation, as it determined who would move on to become upperclassmen, and who would have to look elsewhere. There was fierce competition and they were only interested in student's who's projects were worth funding. He looked over his notecards, hands trembling. He had worked so hard on this thesis, so many sleepless nights and tireless days trying to perfect his equations before he actually executed it in real life. So many years compiling research... If this went over well, he would finally earn the respect from his peers he was long overdue, and perhaps even his parents._

_It was how biochemistry, when applied to engineering, could offer life support to various systems, from patients in hospice, to maintaining space stations and the crew inside them, and finally to just the general public. It was within the realm of cyborg technology, but better, and less invasive to its host. It drew off similar processes that lizards used to regrow their lost limbs, and though he lacked the knowledge to isolate the gene, he had slowly learned how to use machinery to manipulate a similar biological response. It would allow for adaptation, regeneration, and eliminate the need for many current obtrusive, expensive machines. There had been some... issues, of course, but what experiment was without casualties? One thing he had noticed was the erratic behaviour from his test subjects and gradual brain deterioration. This was mostly due to the main component residing in the brain, but his most recent host, a small mouse named Avery, had been his biggest success._

_He picked up the creature and examined it thoughtfully. He'd obtained Avery by lingering after class when he noticed a couple of his classmates abusing one of the lab mice. They had brutalized it by barbarically pinning it to the desk with a pencil crammed through its skull. The mouse was still alive, but barely, and it had suffered severe brain damage from the injury. Perhaps it was considered cruel to have ran it through such vigorous testing and replacing its body with mechanical parts, but the end result was all the same-_ life.

_He'd always considered himself something of a savant with engineering, and anything under the realm of physics was his domain. With this accomplishment, he'd felt he'd cemented this to himself, but also shown promise in other areas when he'd managed to not only revive the poor creature, but allowed for faster wound healing and repair of certain organs. Despite the erratic behaviour, the psychotic episodes, the seizures... the spike in cognitive function showed promise, and with each tweak it was getting better. The creature had a built in life support system that was constantly monitoring its vitals and readjusting itself to accommodate its host. Granted, it looked odd, half of its body being artificial, cold, and metallic, but still it was something._

_He hissed in pain as the mouse suddenly bit him and squeaked loudly, gnawing on the bars of its carrier when N Gin put it back. The unexpected outbursts were troubling, but this one had not gone completely mad as his other experiments had. If it would just stay docile during his presentation, his documentation alone would allow him to advance. It was a feat ,especially for a teenager. He picked up his files, his mouse's carrier, and gave himself a second glance in the mirror. Nervously, he gave himself a lopsided smile in an attempt to encourage himself, then set off for his classroom._

 

"And how did that go?" Tropy asked quietly.

N Gin chuckled in spite of himself, "It was a disaster. The presentation was flawless, and my ideas were well supported, I had actual proof in my hands... But they accused me of stealing my research from another student, because they didn't think I was capable of something like that, and someone before me had a similar report as I did. They also found it too... Fictitious. There was nothing there for them to fund. So, I dropped out and went to a public university."

There was a long lull of silence as N Gin went back over the events in his head, a heavy weight of dejection burdening his already slouched shoulders. He twiddled his thumbs, "I started working in a stapler factory for a while. It was where my dad worked. You wouldn't believe all the different kinds of staplers they have..."

Something in his chest constricted painfully as he thought of his parents. He wasn't sure which experience had been worse, the constant bullying and excessive attention he received at the academy, or the cycles of total neglect and verbal abuse he dealt with at home. He was self aware enough to know it was ironic he continuously placed himself in the exact same situations with Cortex.

Tropy regarded him with silence, allowing him to continue speaking. It was strange, this was the longest he had been allowed to talk uninterrupted in... he couldn't even recall when, "I had a lot of free time on my hands, so I focused on school and I was able to apply my degree in physics to a defenses operation. Those were my best years. But then, well. You know."

He tapped his missile lightly, "It all just blew up in my face."

When he was met with silence he snorted manically in laughter at his own joke, since no one else would. Tropy's almost alarmed expression made it even better. It was too horrible, too tragic not to laugh. But then his face returned to its sullen expression once he calmed down. Nefarious finally spoke, his tone delicate, "Wow... It sounds like you really bombed..."

N Gin made an odd, almost startled sound that was a strained giggling of delight. Tropy's comment was unexpected which only added to its hilarity to him. He would have to remember this, and use it in his next sappy monologue.

Tropy shared a smirk and a small chuckle with him before adding, "So you've been working on this for all these years?"

"Yes. Sort of. I took a break while I worked in defense. I was applying all my time to creating the most cutting edge weapons. If I hadn't had some understanding of what I was trying to do already, I think the missile would have killed me. That may not have been such a horrible thing, in hindsight." He said casually, 

"Why do you say that?" Tropy asked softly. The concern was surprising. He was so used to casually mentioning his fleeting thoughts of death and no one commenting. He thought a moment while he rubbed his rat's whiskers;

"Because... I don't like being like this." He admitted and sat the rat back into its cage with its companion. He had constant headaches that ranged from mild pains to debilitating migraines, his emotions were never predictable or appropriate, and there was the looming threat he could detonate the active missile in his head. Not to mention the other concerns, such as complete moronic insanity due to brain tissue erosion. There was a marked difference between eccentricity and losing yourself entirely. He didn't voice these to anyone, of course, because they sounded pathetic. So instead he went with something easier, "I'm... a freak, I've always been a freak, and I was alright with that. But with everything else, with this it's..."

He didn't bother to finish. No matter how he worded it, this was turning into something terrible. He'd just wanted to show Tropy his creation, his life's work, bullshit a little, then move on- not talk about how miserable he was with himself. He liked a good pity party, but only when he was the only attendee. N Gin rested his head in his hands and sighed. It all seemed rather futile. Even if he managed to perfect his idea, what then? He was too cowardly to try it on himself because of the risks. One wrong prod or a mismatched wire would result in complete retardation or vegetation at the best, and an explosion at the worst. But if he just left it there...

"Perhaps we could make this our next hobby?" Tropy rested his hands lightly on N Gin's narrow shoulders. The touch was startling, unfamiliar. His hands were cold, a sharp contrast to his own warmth. It felt good, soothing, but he didn't know how to respond to it. That frightening, deep yearning was back, pulling at something within his core that he could not access. N Gin breathed deeply and shook his head. Nefarious' offer was unexpected, sweet even, but all it did was make him feel more stressed to perform, so he tried to steer away from it. 

"Ah... I don't know if I'll ever be able to get it to work. I think this is about as good as it's going to get. It's kind of a stupid idea, when you think about it-"

"It's a brilliant idea." Tropy said confidently, reassuring him. He doubted it, and his doubt tainted the praise, making the words ring hollow and feel empty. Nefarious scowled and cupped his round face in his hands, forcing him to look at him. With more enunciation he repeated, "It is a _brilliant_ idea."

"But-"

"Be quiet." He said as his brow creased in thought, "We could help each other. I'm always looking for ways to improve my own life support when I'm exploring the continuum. Perhaps something I've run across will help you, and vice versa."

"Why do you care about helping me?" He blurted out before he could think the question over. It came off as harsh and indignant, but he couldn't really help it. So many painful feelings and memories had been dredged up in such a short period of time he was just thankful he wasn't crying. The thought of losing that much control in front of someone so well composed was mortifying.

"I uh..." Tropy's composure shifted, knitting his brow once more in thought, but something was off. He was searching for something, and was obviously taken aback by the sudden question, "Because it... would be mutually beneficial. You've already seen what we're capable of together."

"No there's... there's something else. You're _lying_." N Gin stuttered, his tone becoming shrill in his anxiety. He was starting to feel panicked again, and every feeling of doubt he had tried to push back came down on him- hard. What was Nefarious' incentive? Was he using him? They spent so much time together lately, and they flowed so well together in the laboratory. Nefarious would seek him out now, not just the other way around. No one, not a single person had chosen him because they wanted to. Why would they when so many better options were laid out before them? His heart ached and his stomach twisted in knots, heat spreading up his neck and touching his ears the longer Tropy held his face. The silence was too much. He wanted to move, but the doctor's hypnotic gaze compelled him to stay.

His anger did not leave, but was amplified by his confusion as he watched Nefarious work out something in his head. He looked concerned, worried, anxious, all traits and emotions he would never have believed the statue of a man could ever embody. It was frustrating and painful to watch because he had no idea what he was thinking, and he had no idea what to expect next.

N Gin let out a weak, startled noise as his anger did leave and was replaced with alarm as Nefarious pulled his face closer, as though inspecting it. His gaze was sharp, unwavering, as though he were trying to work out some complicated problem. The silence was agonizing and he could stand it no longer. N Gin stuttered out lowly, "I-if you're going to kill me or something then just do it."

"You're so dramatic." Tropy muttered and drew his face in to kiss him. That warm, fuzzy blanket that had enveloped his mind before was now on fire. He made a small, almost fearful sound in his throat as Tropy held him in place, his grip relaxing on his face to where he was now cradling his head instead. He couldn't focus on anything other than the sensation of Nefarious' lips on his own. They, too, were cool like the rest of him, but soft, and inviting. It was short and quick, but the man lingered close to his face after he broke the kiss, gingerly stroking his cheek with his thumb. After a moment they separated and Nefarious allowed him some space, the doctor's face wearing that foreign red hue.

N Gin's lip quivered as a deep blush crept onto his face. He couldn't take his eyes off Nefarious, and a low, small, distorted squeak escaped his parted lips as he tried to make sense of everything. Tropy lowered his hands to his shoulders and squeezed them gently. Everything he did was making this feeling worse and his embarrassment grew. He felt so hot and flushed and he couldn't still his hands from shaking.

"Would you like some time to yourself?" Nefarious asked in concern, but his voice wavered with obvious amusement. 

"Uh, no." N Gin said quickly in a meek voice, rubbing his shaking hands together and looking down at his feet. Steam was pouring from the thermal vent in his head. Between his deeply red face and his steam forming tangible embarrassment, he knew what a pathetic sight he must be. The airy sound of Nefarious' chuckle reached his ears. This made it worse, so much worse.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get you so _overheated_." He teased lightly and nudged him. N Gin muttered an oddly shrill, incoherent sound, his hand rubbing turning to wringing. No one had ever done that before. Sure his grandma had kissed him on the cheek a few times, but this was... so very different. He had no experience, and he was struggling to wrap his head around the fact Nefarious could be attracted to him. _Him_. Even he found it laughable and ridiculous.

"I've never really..." N Gin started then paused, indefinitely. He glanced at Tropy with an almost pained, nervous expression, holding his gaze. 

It took a moment for him to piece it together, but when he did his brows arched and he let out a high, drawn out, "Ohh..."

"Well, that's alright." Nefarious tried to reassure him but could not hide his own awkward smirk at the situation. Again there was silence, such infuriating, deafening silence. He could feel Tropy staring at him and it made him feel like a specimen under glass. At the same time, it made him feel special and jubilant, and created an inner storm of feelings he didn't know how to approach.

"I don't really understand." N Gin finally said as he calmed down from his fit of embarrassment.

"What don't you understand?" Tropy said curiously.

"Are you serious? I don't understand what you see in me."

"Ah. Well, you're brilliant, and to my own surprise, some of the best company I've had in years." Tropy humoured him. It was a little bit of a backhanded compliment, but he'd take it. There was more lingering, but he wouldn't share. 

"And?" N Gin tried to encourage the rest out of him, but he was stonewalled.

"Now you're just fishing." He smirked lightly, then regarded the smaller man in a kind, placid manner, "All in due time. No need to rush into anything. I will say, however, this thing you're doing where you blow steam everywhere is only adding to your charm. It's doing wonders for my complexion, you might just replace my humidifier."

He bent down and placed a small kiss on the man's forehead, between his ginger bangs and the now heated metal of his face plate. It made his heart leap and another small burst of steam surround them. Nefarious was doing this on purpose to tease him, he had to be.

"You know if you can keep that up, we could make some extra money on the side running a sauna." Tropy teased him again with a smirk. N Gin scowled at him then snorted in his own obnoxious laughter. The more attention the doctor paid him, the more embarrassed and elated he felt. He was dizzy from the warmth that enveloped his thoughts and nestled in his head. Tropy seemed to find amusement in his predicament, drawing him in again for another lingering kiss and chuckling softly against his lips as steam rolled between his fingers. The doctor quietly murmured, "Adorable..."  


_Adorable_. That was something he'd never heard before. He still could not wrap any part of his mind around Nefarious' intentions, but for the moment he decided to just go with it and bask in the attention, the praise, the soft affection. It was absolutely intoxicating. 

"I'm _terribly_ sorry to interrupt, is this a bad time?" Came Cortex's sudden booming voice from the doorway. It was overly saturated in sweetness and sarcasm. His face was a host of emotions- alarm, confusion, anger, possibly a little bit of curiosity and a hint of embarrassment.

N Gin pushed himself away from Tropy, letting out a shrill, wavering sound of alarm, steam venting from his head once more. How long had he been standing there and what had he seen? It was one thing to be caught slacking off, but it was another matter entirely to be caught slacking off and kissing your superior, "Uh hehe, D-D-Dr Cortex... W-we..."

"Ah, what brilliant timing, we were just discussing the best way to salvage your space station." Nefarious said casually and leaned back in his chair "At this rate, the two of us will build it singlehandedly before you even manage to lift a finger."

He looked between the two, his face somewhere in the realm of disgust and anger. There was no snide remark or dry comeback. The humour was gone. There was something there, simmering. He rolled his eyes at Tropy's dig and turned to leave, "Get back to work."

N Gin stared after him then glanced at Tropy. When he caught his attention, the small smirk that greeted him elicited a nervous smile from the smaller man. He managed to look away and tapped his fingers together. A looming feeling of dread began to manifest over him. He had no idea what awaited him when he would report to Dr. Cortex later.


	3. Reaction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to split the last chapter up into two because it was getting to be way too long.

He was deeply uneasy as he quietly shuffled behind Cortex, checking various machinery and its status. He stole glances from over his shoulder at his superior then would quickly get back to the task at hand. Dr Cortex had said nothing about the incident a few hours ago. In fact, he had said nothing at all. He hoped inwardly that Cortex would forget. It put him in a similar anxious mindset comparable to when he was a child, with the silent car rides home and the quiet hope his wrongs would be forgotten. It usually ended up the same, and the silence was just part of the punishment.

The silent treatment was familiar, and effective, but Cortex rarely had the patience to utilize it. N Gin doodled on his charts nervously, finding his focus slipping the longer the obscene quiet dragged on. His worries multiplied as the minutes crawled by. He'd experienced this from Cortex before, but more so when they were children. Cortex had figured out quickly that silence and neglect were ways to quickly earn his attention, as well as his desperation for acceptance. It made him angry at himself that he was so easily coerced by something so harmless.

He cast another look behind him then back to his charts. He needed to say something, anything. Maybe if he could inflate his ego some it would take his mind off what he'd encountered earlier. N Gin opened his mouth to speak, a small, pitiful wheeze escaping as there were no words awaiting him. His sound had drawn the attention of his superior and now he was in a worse position than before. At least he was being ignored while having nothing to say, but now he was the focus. He looked around and tried to find something, quickly.

"Uh, D-Dr Cortex, You're looking... good." N Gin said awkwardly, grimacing a little. No. Good god, _no_ , that was not what he had meant to say at _all_.

"What?" Cortex said in a delayed fashion as though he was trying to process his stupidity.

N Gin fidgeted and giggled some in his nervous state, "What I mean is the lab, i-it's looking really good. The new mutations are doing nicely- have you changed their chemical makeup? Their brainwaves are more stable than in the past, I think you're close to another breakthrough."

He was greeted with nothing as Cortex unenthusiastically cocked his brow and rested his cheek against his hand, his face wearing a look of boredom. N Gin gulped some, "Um, I -I like the prototype you've made of the new space station. Are you still thinking of having an orbiting satellite? I was thinking maybe we could turn it into some sort of biosphere, with its own weather and ecosystem. It would reduce the physical toll of space on the crew, and I think the new mutations would respond better to earth's atmosphere if they were introduced to it earlier..." 

N Gin rambled as he knelt down some to peer closely at the beautiful model. He wished there were small versions of themselves to put inside and play with. No, not play with, to test its functionality. N Gin had _carefully_ argued it was for instructional purposes only and would allow for more immersion. He had brought this up several times in meetings and each time it was rejected. Idiots.

Cortex rolled his eyes and swiveled around in his chair to resume what he was working on. It was some sort of teleportation device for the station, but he was struggling to get it to work properly to accommodate something so massive that was simultaneously housing multiple systems, both biological and non. It worked flawlessly, but only with one type of organism at a time. N Gin had thought a few times that Tropy would be the best person to ask for guidance, as he had already learned how to bend time and spacial matter to his will, but he would never suggest it to either of them.

He pondered and chewed on the end of his pencil some. That desperate, gnawing feeling was gradually welling up into something terrible and beyond his control, "Uh, so, Dr Cortex, with our energy source, we no longer need a heavy generator room which would allow you more space for... um... well whatever you wanted, I guess. It would be less to maintain, we would just need a small central control room. Dr Nefarious and I, we've made a lot of breakthroughs together. I-I think you'll be able to appreciate what we've managed to do. We, uh..."

He didn't have to cut himself off as Cortex did it for him, pushing away from his desk and getting out of his chair. He was suddenly very close to his face and clearly angry, "You know I am _amazed_ you've managed to get _anything_ done if all you've been doing is snuggling up to that pompous asshole. You can't _seriously_ be into him..."

N Gin gulped audibly and averted his eyes to the small prototype ship. So Cortex had seen that much. He wasn't even sure what was going on between him and Nefarious so he avoided the question. He cleared his throat, his voice wavering, "We uh... B-but we've been working, the ship is... Dr Cortex- master- at this rate we could have it built before the end of next year. That's months ahead of our estimate. W-we have the power source, that's always been our biggest struggle. Dr. Nefarious found it, I-"

"Oh, and naturally we are _so_ indebted to to the great _Dr Nefarious_. What _ever_ would we do without _him_?" Cortex sneered mockingly in his false praise but snapped out of it quickly, "That isn't just what I'm talking about. You've been _shirking_ your other duties to spend time with him. Do you know how many times I've tried to find you only to realise you're off on some _'grand adventure'_? When was the last time you maintained anything? Are you aware that there was a generator fire at some point this week? And do you know the weapons defense you have installed around the castle mistook me for an enemy?"

The rapid fire questions were making his head spin. Cortex raised his eyebrows and smiled, too wide, "Hm, I wonder why that is? It's so hard to place. Oh, I know, could it possibly be because you haven't been _doing your job for two weeks_?! What is it you actually _do_ around here?"

"I-I'm terribly sorry, master, I didn't realize..." N Gin's face was hot as he drummed his fingers nervously on his clipboard. He couldn't deny it. He had been putting off his usual duties in favour of spending time with Nefarious. He was so inspired and making great progress with the man that cleaning the sludge out of the generators or running a software update on their defense system had seemed distant and unimportant, and being available for Cortex had suddenly not been his top priority. Time lost meaning when he was in Nefarious' company.

"You are _my_ assistant. _Not_ his." Cortex pointed a threatening finger, and he found himself yet closer to his superior. He instinctively took a step back and bumped into something. The radiating warmth of the towering server pressed into his back. With his superior in front of him and the server behind him, he was effectively trapped. 

N Gin regarded him warily, picking up something familiar. His eyes were glassy, rimmed with red, and he was unsteady. Had he been drinking? Cortex had always enjoyed a glass of red wine, but the nightly glass had slowly multiplied to several since the Time Twister's failure. He watched Cortex's face and struggled to listen to his chastising and complaints.

"Ah... sir, are you... jealous?" N Gin had a sudden, dangerous thought and voiced it, muttering those words out before he could catch himself. He knew that, much like himself, Cortex was riddled with insecurities. His expression was alarmed, as though he'd been caught, then it quickly dissipated with overzealous guffawing. The sound made his face grow hot and his trembling hands clench tightly around his clipboard. A part of N Gin was unconvinced, but he wouldn't push the matter. He wasn't in the position to do so. Once he settled down he regarded the cyborg with a pacified smile, but it lacked sincerity. 

"What is there to be jealous of when the both of you are complete failures to me? And do you know who has to endure the burden of you two worthless morons?" He paused with an eagerness as he looked at N Gin expectingly. He offered no answer but instead cast a hurt glare towards the floor. 

" _I do_." Cortex prodded his chest with his finger, "I have given you _multiple_ chances to prove your worth to me, I have practically gift wrapped that miserable bandicoot for you- _BOTH of you_ \- yet you continuously fail me. I'm starting to question why I even have you around." 

The words stung, they burrowed into his chest and nipped at him like angry fleas. Their weight came with truth. Cortex was right, he had failed multiple times, miserably. He also could not deny Cortex was the one who had to bear the brunt of their collective failures to Uka Uka. The mask would never actually hurt him, not physically anyway, but he knew those dark corners of the doctor's brain to pick at. He didn't know what demons the doctor had to lay down with at night, but whatever they were lately, they had to be soothed with half a bottle of wine.

"What's so ironic is he thinks, despite this, that he's _actually_ better than me."Cortex scoffed and ran his hand through his beard, stroking it mindlessly as he chuckled self-indulgently, "Can you believe that?" 

N Gin wasn't sure what to say, so he made a meek, noncommittal sound with a small, forced chuckle and went back to staring at his charts. Normally he would say whatever was needed but found himself lacking the words to reassure the man. He realized he wasn't sure what he thought, and that worried him.  
He could feel the doctor's eyes boring into him and only when he could ignore it no longer did he chance a glance up. Cortex's face was contorted, dumbfounded, his expression somewhere between hurt and anger. He scoffed in exasperation, "You _agree_ with him..."

"N-no, Dr Cortex-" N Gin hurriedly tried to reassured him, the jolt of panic elicited by such an accusation caused him to drop his clipboard. It clattered to the floor obnoxiously, professing his fear loudly as it echoed through the room. He didn't like where this was going, and he was terrible with these situations. N Gin needed time to plan and think out his responses, and Cortex always took this as defiance, or opportunity to talk over him. He was perpetually at a disadvantage as a result.

"Is that what the two of you are doing together? Are you plotting against me?" Cortex said heatedly. He jammed a threatening finger into his chest to further drive in his words, "You _are_ planning something!"

"No! S-sir, never, _please_ you have to believe me I would never do something like that!" N Gin's whining was pathetic and bordering anguished. He felt so desperate to placate him and to remain in his good graces. He continued to plead quietly, even going as far as to go to his knees to grovel. The doctor allowed this a while then finally sighed and shook him off his boot. Cortex rested his hands behind his back and began to slowly pace back and forth.

"He's going to use you, why else would he be trying to get close to you..."Cortex began twiddling the end of his beard as he thought, a dawning look of revelation smoothing his face, "He's obviously trying to get to _me_." 

"To you, sir?" N Gin muttered out, looking at him in concern. It wasn't an idea that had crossed his mind, but one that would now linger with him like the rest of his dark thoughts.

"Of course you idiot! He knows you have access to everything. My-my study, my files, my quarters. _Everything_. Clearly he's after something I have. And you're falling for it. But I suppose you can't help it, you always were rather simple and easily misguided..."

N Gin said nothing and instead looked down at the granite floor he sat upon.Those words were corrosive and began eating him inside. He could see the logic in the doctor's statement. It made more sense in his mind than the current situation, of Nefarious actually desiring him- as either an assistant, or more. The words lingered heavy and thick in his chest and like acid they were carving him out and leaving him hollow.

"Yes... yes that must be it!" Cortex continued his paranoid murmuring then suddenly turned to N Gin, "But! I know how to turn it around on him..." 

Cortex was close to him again. He cowered as the man knelt down and reached out for him only to casually pluck a fuzz off his lab coat. The doctor flicked it away and rested his arm on his knee, "You know you don't deserve my generosity, don't you?

He shook his head sheepishly in agreement, his motions mechanical, rehearsed. He wasn't exactly sure what to think right now, but he knew the right answers to give. He'd been trained well to repeat what Cortex wanted to hear.

"That's right, you don't. I should throw you out of here right now, and leave you on the coast as I did Brio. He was always weak, too. But ...I'm feeling kind. I can see now you were just too stupid to realize what was going on. You've always been rather weak willed. You're like a moth to the flame and flit to the brightest thing you can see. It's _terrible_ how he takes advantage of this." Cortex shook his head, giving him a brief, piteous look before continuing.  
"You always wanted to be a Cortex Commando, didn't you? Well here you are. You've been living it and yet you continuously piss it away. You made such a fuss out of it, too..." 

That was something he hadn't thought about in a _long_ time. He began to fidget nervously. Uncomfortable, painful memories were attached to that title. He had done such horrible things, to others and himself, and risked so much to try and appease Cortex, just to join his and Brio's stupid club. His actions ruined him at the academy and the damage resided long after the two had gone. He'd been given some 'honourary member' bullshit, but it wasn't the same. Though it was childish, hearing it now reignited something in him. He felt excited, desperate, something he had yearned for so deeply was suddenly being brought back to him. He needed- no, he _craved_ \- that power, that esteem, that confidence. Cortex read his face well and his large, devious smile spread over his features.

"So we have an understanding then?" He reached out suddenly and held his face tightly in his hand, squeezing. He lingered before speaking, his voice softened, "I am giving you one more chance. _One_."

"Th-thank you, master." N Gin sputtered out awkwardly from his pursed lips. The jubilation welling up inside of him was all consuming. He was being chosen again, he was allowed to remain as Cortex's right hand man. _He_ would have authority over the mutations, and they would have no choice but to yield to his will. _His_ talents would be recognized, praised. _His_ name would be something to respect, not to mock or belittle. N Gin could imagine it now, Cortex treating him as an _equal_ , maybe even giving him a space station of his own for his efforts, and an entire crew to command as he saw fit...  
He was vaguely aware of the airy, excited wheezing that rushed from his trembling lips as he indulged in his fantasy. It was absolutely delicious made him feel woozy and drunk with delight. 

"I just need you to do one, small, thing for me." Cortex's smile softened into that odd, pleading look he got. Genuine or not, it worked, it always worked, "If you do this for me, you'll never have to fret again about losing your place, hm? You'll be on par with me... almost. You'd like that wouldn't you? Perhaps I'll even get you an assistant of your own..."

Oh, the proposal was so _decadent_. He meekly nodded, his mind hazy with torrents of thoughts laden with avarice as he stared at Cortex. A pitiful whimper escaped him when the doctor pushed away from him suddenly. N Gin rubbed his jaw some as the dull pain slowly pulled him from his exciting daydreams.

Cortex went back over to set in his desk chair, crossing his legs casually as he spoke, _"Now, this is what I want you to do..."_

 

\--------------------------------

N Gin lingered around Tropy's lab, his body still as that night slowly and continuously looped through his mind. He drew back from his thoughts and looked around the spacious office he'd hid away in. He felt very out of place being here when Nefarious wasn't around, but he could not perform his instructed duty with him present. Cortex had given him a very simple assignment- 'obtain' his research on time travel.

He had lacked his usual enthusiasm and Tropy had naturally noticed, but N Gin just played it off as the beginnings of a migraine. It wasn't a total lie, as the stress of the situation was certainly giving him a headache. They were supposed to do some more field research today but the doctor had dismissed him so he could return to his quarters and lay down for a while to escape the sensory bombardment. He'd gone alone, and left everything unattended. There would be no other opportunity like this.

It had been a week since Cortex had made his proposal and he knew the doctor would be growing impatient, more so than he already was. He wrung his hands anxiously and sighed, fitful, as he stared at the towering row of filing cabinets. Upon each drawer there was a label, decorated with his elegant handwriting. Looking at it right now made him feel nauseated.  
His lust for respect and power had always been such a vital part of his desire to move forward. What was causing his hesitation? His feeling of loyalty to Nefarious? It confused him how a meer month's relationship could begin to compare to the years he'd spent with Cortex.

He felt something flutter in his stomach in a sickly way as he began prying at the lock of the lower drawer. He'd been in here many times before. Tropy had sent him after various files and charts, clearly noting the drawer and its location. There had been so many opportunities to steal from him. He paused in his motions, another twisting flutter stilling his hands. Nefarious trusted him, and he was going to not only steal from him, but possibly set him up for sabotage. It wasn't as if he hadn't done this numerous times before to others, so why was it suddenly such a big deal? He knew why. Because he _liked_ him. The man was kind to him, patient, and the praise... No. He shook his head some to dismiss the thoughts. They both conflicted and aligned with Dr Cortex's words, as well as his paranoia.

The lock gave way and the drawer jutted open slightly. N Gin muttered to himself in an airy tone as he flipped through the dozens of folders. There were so many, too many, and the words were starting to blend together. He was so anxious and his heart was beating so quickly and forcefully he could feel it in his throat. Whatever he was looking for, it wasn't here. He suddenly wondered if Tropy would even label his life's achievement so boldly. Surely he would have it under something else, something more discreet, and that just made him feel flustered. He didn't have time to sift through each individual file.

N Gin clucked his tongue and began prying at the second drawer. This one opened more easily, but it also was to no avail. His worries suddenly mounted as he felt like he was being watched. He checked over his shoulder, but all that greeted him was the gentle sound of many ticking clocks lining the walls. N Gin turned back to the filing cabinet and sighed. In his head he could hear his mother's remark about a guilty conscience.

The third drawer proved useless, as did the forth and fifth, which now presented him with a dilemma. The remaining three drawers were out of his reach, even with a chair. He drummed his fingers together, struggling to form any coherent thought. There was a sudden idea that seemed plausible, at least to his anxious mind. He shuffled around then pulled the drawers out enough to make something of a makeshift staircase leading up to the top. He carefully stepped on it, wobbling as the delicate files gave way under him some.

He held his arms out to steady himself as he clambered ungracefully to the second tier, then the third. N Gin hesitated and wobbled sharply as he slowly began to tip backwards. He had underestimated how difficult this would be. The heavy missile in his head made any task of grace impossible, and this was no exception. It was pulling him to the side and with a grunt of effort he tried to right himself. But it was fruitless and the sudden jerking motion rocked the cabinet under him. He was too far gone and all he could do was cling to the filing cabinet as it toppled over with him with horrendous metallic clatter and spilled its contents everywhere.

He rubbed his forehead and leaned forward to nurse his aches. He remained very still for what felt like an eternity as he strained his ears, listening for any signs of curious feet. When the dulcet ticking is all that greeted him he let out a loud, shrill sigh as he took in the mess around him. He suddenly felt very overwhelmed at the literal sea of papers so thick the floor disappeared entirely. It would take hours to clean all of this up, and even then he knew he could never get it filed the same way Nefarious had. Still he would try, work up some excuse, and in the meantime he would keep an eye out for those documents Cortex was practically salivating for. At least here in the floor they were all in one convenient place, he mused to try and reassure himself.

N Gin talked to himself, rushed, incoherent babbling spilling from his lips as he hurriedly gathered up paper after paper and jammed them into what seemed the appropriate folder. He glanced up at the row of clocks on the wall and realised he had already been at this for the better part of an hour and had only salvaged a handful of files. His anxiety grew and his mind buzzed as he worked faster and struggled to take in such a barrage of information. Another hour passed and to his delight he'd found what he had been after all along. He had no idea what file it belonged in but he didn't care. N Gin held it up triumphantly, flipping through the numerous pages before giggling gleefully before hiding it away in his lab coat.

A sudden wave of relief washed over him and he could better focus on the new task at hand of covering his tracks. He let out sigh of content and slowly resumed gathering up the mess. He worked at a slower pace, the relief he felt nestled inside of him making him feel lethargic and almost cozy. N Gin flipped through a few of the files and, with a great deal of struggling, managed to set the cabinet back up on its proper end. From here he slowly began to fill it once more. Perhaps his excuse could be something not far from the truth- he was looking for a particular file and assumed it to be towards the top. He'd fallen, and was deeply sorry for causing such a terrible mess. Yes, surely that would work. He suddenly paused in his motions, narrowing his eyes and scooting some papers off to the side as something familiar caught his eye. 

N Gin slowly sat the folder he was working on off to the side, his hand still lingering on the uncovered chart. He looked around and slid more papers away, then fervently began digging and sending them flying all around him as he tried to uncover more. The sickly feeling in his stomach grew to something of a desperate ache as he unearthed more, all familiar. He spread them over the slick metal of the floor then sat back, staring blankly ahead in his attempts to process this. His relief was short lived as his brain felt as though it had short circuited. He struggled to comprehend what exactly he was looking at. His breathing quickened, his heart suddenly racing. These charts, these diagrams, the musings and scribbles- they were _his_. 

With trembling hands he gathered them up and thumbed through them. Everything was the same, the only difference is they had been copied in Nefarious' neat, elegant handwriting. He crunched them up in his hands with sudden anger, a low plaintive cry rushing out of him with throws of exhaust. N Gin shook his head and began muttering nonsense, closing his eyes for a moment then opening them again, as if expecting to see something different. It was the same. There could be no mistake made, it was his work. A singular thought looped around in his head violently like a tornado _'This is mine'_.

"Ah, there you are, I've been looking for you. What have you got there?" Tropy greeted him warmly but slowed to a halt when he noticed N Gin's expression and the mess around him. N Gin slowly turned his head up to greet the other man's gaze. The doctor's face became cold, stoic as he slowly pieced the situation together. His words were slow and deliberate, "What are you doing in here?"

"What is this?" N Gin held up the first diagram that had caught his eye. It was a detailed layout of his life support system. It was his research on life support and regeneration, his notes, _his efforts_. These were private things that he kept locked away in a filing cabinet of his own and had shared with no one. He vaguely realized the irony of the situation, but was too angry to care right now. He expected this from Cortex, not Tropy.

Nefarious raised his brow, his gaze condescending as he tilted his head in curiosity, "Where did you find that?"

"Answer me!" N Gin got to his feet at once and shook the diagram at him.

"It's a life support module-"

"I know what it is!" N Gin cut him off, shrieking from anxiety, "You know what I'm asking!"

Nefarious was quiet for a moment, his face unchanging, unwavering. He looked off to the side then back to N Gin, "You said we could share."

"No! I didn't give you these. I said I would think about it and I gave you a _summary_! You-you _stole_ from me, you stole this, _you stole this_! This is _mine_! _It's MINE_!" N Gin exclaimed in his panic, his voice warping oddly from the strain on his voice module. He enunciated each word carefully, " _How. did. you. get. this?_ "

"I didn't steal _anything_!" Nefarious said, clearly offended, "Stop behaving like a child and listen to me-"

"These are exact copies of my own diagrams... Have you been breaking into my lab?" His words were rapid and he kept repeating himself over and over in hysterics. Everything was happening all over again- someone was going to take from him and leave him with nothing. He was shaking as overwhelming torrents of emotions flooded through him.

"What? No, of course not!" Nefarious exclaimed in his offense. He was getting flustered, agitated, but he was holding something back. There was something _there_ but he wouldn't act on it. He wasn't used to this- no why would he be? Nefarious was always the one interrogating. He wasn't accountable to anyone and now that he suddenly had to be, he was anxious. It was a pathetic sight, watching the stone pillar of a man taking a step back from someone less than half his size. N Gin tossed the papers onto the nearby desk and spread them out for all to see.

"You took credit for it! It is _my_ work, my _idea_! After everything I told you... You stole from me!" N Gin rapt his finger hysterically on the flourishing handwriting then banged his fist on the desk, sending a neatly stacked pile of papers toppling around him. He trembled fervently and a sharp pain coursed through his head, noxious exhaust snaking up towards the ceiling lazily. Tears rimmed his eye as he raked his hand through his hair in frustration then slammed his fist again, "I-I _trusted_ you!"

"It's not what it seems." Nefarious held out a hand to still him but N Gin recoiled, his jaw set firm and his teeth clenched in anger. Now he was being patronized, did the man really think him such an idiot? Obviously he did.  
To think just hours before he was struggling with an internal crisis over stealing his research when the man had already done the same in turn. He briefly wondered if he had been set up all along and all it did was fuel his insecurities, and in turn his rage. Cortex was right, he was always right. He was right, he was right, _he was right_...

"N Gin-"

"Get _OUT_!" He exclaimed loudly, his voice module distorting from the pitch and making the words sound more anguished than intended. He panted raggedly in his anger and stared the taller man down. Nefarious appeared to be searching for something, his lips parted as if to speak but nothing came forth. He circled his thumb and forefinger together in a slow, methodical manner as he held N Gin's gaze then suddenly turned from him and left. He heard his footsteps retreat and the doors of his lab carefully shut.

When the doors shut it broke something down within him and tears flooded his face. He sniveled pathetically, angrily as he lowered himself to the floor. He sat in the ruined office and clutched his own paperwork tightly to his chest. His tears causing the white ink to run and streak over the cobalt papers. Let it be ruined.

He hiccuped in a pained cry that escaped him at a sharpness that coursed through his head. It was excruciating and the heavy metallic taste in his mouth that followed was nauseating. He cradled his head in his hand and willed the pain to leave but as the pressure in his head grew, so did his pain. The room around him was covered in flashes and dark blotches that followed his eyes no matter where he turned. Finally he closed his eyes and rested against the cold steel of the desk, thudding his head against it in a plodding manner as he wallowed in his hurt.

He felt betrayed, enraged, miserable. The words he needed to describe himself were simply not numerous enough. Discombobulated snippets of thoughts filled his already cluttered mind. Nefarious had been using him, what other explanation would there be? That thought alone was enough to upheave the desolation in his chest once more. Where did this leave him? The gloating he imagined he would endure from Dr Cortex was enough to will himself to suddenly disappear.

N Gin stilled his head and rested against the desk in silence. He thumbed through the documents in his hands again methodically, the ink having smeared and rendering it difficult to work from. It wasn't good enough and he tore it in half, then again, and again. He tossed it away and glared at the fluttering rain of paper slowly landing around him. He drew in a shaky breath then grunted with a wince at his pounding head. In light of all this, he suddenly realized he had banished Nefarious from his own lab and amidst his grief, felt a brief blip of triumph, and gave a small, slow giggle in spite of himself.


	4. Causation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking this down earlier, I needed to edit a lot of things in it. 
> 
> Thank you all for the feedback as well :)

The following days were uneventful and uninspiring. He kept the confrontation between himself and Nefarious private, and passed the same excuse on to Cortex as he had the other man- he had a migraine and wasn't feeling well. It was a very convenient plea when he wanted it to be. 

He'd been asked each day when he reported in if he'd gotten what he'd sent him after, and each time he carefully replied 'no'. Naturally, there was berating that followed but he was already so low and distracted he wavered in and out of the lecture. He lacked any kind of focus and all of his spare thoughts kept coming back to Nefarious, matched with Cortex's words. They clung to every thought he had and dragged them down with their sheer mass.

Of course, N Gin had the documents he needed, he'd had them for days, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to share them yet. He had never really been impulsive, but he had also never been this deeply hurt and in the position to cause possibly justified ruin, and it was compelling him to feed Nefarious to the wolves to advance himself. Isn't that how things worked in their realm? Stepping on those beneath you to fly closer to the sun? Nefarious would certainly give him a sizable boost...

He was a dreary sight as he wrestled with this decision that pressed against him and smothered him. He so desperately craved the approval of Cortex, but that clinging, yearning feeling that somehow bound him to Nefarious was making him hesitate, and was effectively paralyzing him. He was distracted, more so than usual, and was little more than a bumbling idiot since their confrontation. At one point he had nearly vaporized himself because he was too preoccupied mulling over the events of the last few days. This, too, had earned him another scathing lecture and barrage of insults. Of course, he felt terrible, embarrassed, but he was too consumed within himself to give it proper attention.

After this continuous display, Cortex had grown weary of his sullen mood and lethargy and dismissed him. He was grateful for this and for the past hour had left his head resting on his desk, unmoving. The weather outside matched his turbulent mood. Violent coastal storms were ripping through the area, tearing down trees and destroying the small grass huts that dotted the island. There had been a hurricane warning issued earlier over the radio but he had passed it off. The castle had withstood the test of time and born the brunt of much worse events through history. Nothing significant would come of a little storm.

N Gin groaned quietly and turned his head to stare out the window. He could see nothing, just the darkness and crushing wall of rain that slid down his window like a waterfall. He looked away in disinterest and withdrew the crumpled folder from his lab coat. He had looked at it countless times and the once crisp, pristine folder was now creased and dirty with various smudges. The pages were no better. The ink was running and smeared and the corners were frayed. All were telling signs of his mindless compulsion. Something constantly willed him to look through the pages of research, to trace his fingers over the elegant writing that was Nefarious'. It provoked a false feeling of security and closeness, a delusion of intimacy.

It was almost as though he were torturing himself. Each time he would engage in his compulsion, he would be flooded with relief, then a deep, unyielding hurt and uncertainty. He knew what response it would invoke in him, he knew the anguish it would cause, yet he continued to do it anyway as though expecting a different result. Wasn't that the literal definition of insanity? N Gin huffed and tucked it back into his lab coat, under his sweater. He never allowed the file to leave his person. Though he would never voice it to the other man, there was mutual distrust between he and Cortex, and he was expectant of him to search through his lab and his quarters to see if he was holding out. He had done it before, after all.

He sat up, propping himself up by resting his face against his hand and tapped the end of his pencil on the large sheet of graph paper. He stared at it with blank disinterest. N Gin was entirely uninspired and was struggling with the next task Dr Cortex had saddled in his lap. He needed to design the weapons systems for their space station, which would normally fill him with devious glee. Like an unattended child, he would eagerly fill up the page with sloppy, maniacal doodles. The possibilities were endless and there was nothing outside his reach. But there was none of that right now and he simply stared down at the empty graph paper, his pencil now tapping fervently, almost violently, as his sullen mood began to further sour with frustration. He sighed again and turned his head to look out into the abyss outside, willing the rapidly swirling clouds to consume him.

Depression was not unfamiliar to him, and he frequently cycled through periods of extreme depression and sublime mania. Ever since the accident, that was his life. This felt different, however. He felt genuinely sad and hurt, and nothing he did would make it abate. He was eating little and sleep was impossible. Everything was unappealing and he had barely gotten any work done in days. His chest was heavy and something within him contorted painfully when he thought of Nefarious.

The sudden pain in his skull took care of his self pity as he clutched his head miserably. He slammed his pencil down on the desk and grunted at the infernal, ever mounting pressure. It had been like this ever since he confronted Nefarious. His entire face felt as though it was going to explode and his eye watered involuntarily. It became apparent to him he was far too stressed to bother with this, or much of anything, right now. Nothing was appealing and everything was difficult with the throbbing pain in his head. Still, he was restless and uncomfortable and needed to do something, anything.

As he got out of his chair the lighting in the room began to flicker and a low, droning surge could be heard. At first he thought it was because of his mounting headache but when darkness encompassed him, he realized the power had gone out. He stood in the darkness for a moment, the only light source being the dim, eerie moonlight from his window. N Gin tapped his fingers together, waiting for the backup generators to kick on but they never did. He found this strange and it unsettled him. Was the storm really so terrible?

He fumbled in the darkness for a lantern, meek, low sounds marking his way as he stumbled through the room. He banged his shin on something and tripped over discarded food tins and with harsh whispers cursed himself for being such a slob. N Gin stumbled around, groping blindly in the darkness until he found what he was seeking.

N Gin sighed with relief as he picked up the lantern and turned the small knob on it, a lazy flame wobbling side to side and illuminating the room in a rich, warm glow. He looked momentarily at the array of shadows and found himself easily distracted by their wavering, ever changing shapes as the light danced behind them. He remembered as a child these shapes frightened him, and though they were still unnerving, they were oddly pleasant, almost comforting. They were inviting and playful. 

He glanced around nervously then sat his lantern on the edge of the desk to make some shadow puppets. Wasn't he supposed to be doing something else? It didn't matter, his responsibilities felt distant as he struggled to remember how to twist his fingers into the shape of a horse that was not hideously deformed.  
It brought with it oddly pleasant memories. Even as a child, he'd always been a poor sleeper and the nights were drawn out, and lonesome as a result. He invented small games to amuse himself that wouldn't disrupt his parents in the room next to his, and venting his frustration, his loneliness, through the shadows on the wall never failed to entertain. He had so much control over their creation. His suffering became theirs, and their merriment became his.

Low, hushed murmurs rested on his lips as he talked to himself, his eyes entirely transfixed on the ugly display of malformed shadow creatures. After a time he began to realize he was beginning to recreate the argument between he and Nefarious, and suddenly this game had lost its appeal. He sighed and lowered his hands to his side, looking off towards the alluring light of the lantern then back to the blank wall. His ears prickkled with heat at the sudden, low sound behind him. He was very familiar with it and turned around slowly to address it.  


Cortex greeted him with a low chuckle, "So this is what you're doing."

"Ah... Yes, Dr Cortex, I was just, um... w-working." N Gin said sheepishly.

"Oh yes I watched your _tireless_ effort for some time..." He nodded, "You appear to be feeling much better now."

He gave an uncomfortable, lopsided smile and a meek sound of agreement. Cortex's presence was disconcerting and the way he stood in the narrow doorway left him with no means of escape. It wasn't so much he was afraid, but having no way out of a situation always did little to ease his worries.

"Good, that's good." Cortex folded his hands together, regarding N Gin in manner he would dare to refer to as kind, "I was worried about you, you seem very... _distracted_. Am I expecting too much from you?"

N Gin looked at him curiously and held his silence. Cortex was concerned for him? He was wary of his superior's intentions, and did not know the right course of action to take. What did he want to hear in this situation? He thought a moment then shook his head in disagreement.

"Really? It's perfectly alright to know your weaknesses. There's no shame in admitting you're paddling out of your depth." His tone was slowly changing over from kind to condescending. 

"Of course not, master, I... It's..." He trailed off. Words failed him and the intense stare from Cortex was intimidating. He was afraid the man was going to tell him to forget it, to forget the promotion, and abandon him, "I'm-I'm capable, I won't disappoint you." 

Something twisted in his gut. He _knew_ he would, because he always did.

"Are you sure? Because last I checked it's been nearly two weeks since I gave you a very simple task and you've failed to produce any results..."

"I'm _getting_ to it!" N Gin hissed, suddenly irritated at his incessant nagging. This caught them both by surprise and N Gin quickly tried to salvage the situation, his face flushing, "Uh I-I mean, it's just... d-difficult. Please be patient with me, master. Dr Nefarious watches everything like a hawk."

"Have you even been looking?"

"O-of course. I just... haven't found it yet."

Cortex sighed in contempt, "You're _useless_."

He bobbed his head in agreement. This is not where he wanted to be right now. The documents were literally inches away from Cortex and he had no idea. The knowledge he was hiding something from the man, and successfully, was invigorating in its terror. N Gin shuffled over to his lantern and grabbed it. He so _desperately_ wanted to leave this situation, "I-I should really go and see what's wrong with the generators..."

"In a moment." Cortex caught him by his shoulder, stopping him from passing. N Gin looked at him warily, anxiously awaiting what he wanted, "You have the perfect opportunity to do that little errand for me right now..."

"Um, yes. You would be right, but, uh..." N Gin paused briefly, "If I... remember right, Dr Nefarious is in all evening. I saw him yesterday and he was having some difficulties getting one of his experiments to stabilize. The uh... the weather has been messing with the magnetic field and interfering with his work."

"Really now?" Cortex cocked his brow, intrigued.

N Gin held his breath and resisted the undying urge to fidget. If Cortex picked up that he was lying surely there would be hell to pay. He tried to further pacify him, so he eagerly added, "But, I-I know he'll be out of the office tomorrow."

"And just how do you know that?" He looked at him curiously.

"I uh... I've been watching his schedule, and we were supposed to do field research together tomorrow. But I told him I wouldn't have time because I... needed to help you. Yes. S-so, he'll be gone all day, tomorrow..." He finished in a small voice as Cortex's gaze bore into him.

He hoped it was good enough, he was just saying whatever came to his mind first. The intimidating, unblinking stare of his superior made him nervous, causing his voice to waver and doubt settle in. He actually had no idea where Nefarious was and hadn't seen him since their falling out. A strange, creeping feeling snaked through him as he still continued to protect the man.

"Well, you see it's just that... how do i put this _delicately_?" Cortex cast a dejected look to the ground. He was always so animated, "It's just that, you've been feeding me that same line of bullshit several times now and I'm growing a bit sick of it. I'm getting the feeling that you're mistaking my kindness for stupidity..."

"What? N-no, master Cortex, that's ridiculous. I-I would never..." His heart skipped in his chest and stole the words from his throat. There was a coiling feeling of dread that made him feel cold inside. Cortex knew he was lying, and given the circumstances, it did not bode well for his favour. 

"Tomorrow is your cut off date. If you don't have them to me by then, I think we may have a _teensy_ problem. You don't want there to be any misunderstandings between us, do you, N Gin? We're pals, aren't we?" Cortex smiled at him sadly, his voice hushed, "I don't know if you're just stupid, or if you're planning something, but if you are, you're playing a very dangerous game. Get that document to me by tomorrow morning."

"Good talk." He patted N Gin's shoulder affectionately then left him standing awkwardly in the darkness. The numerous swirling worries slowly began their vortex in his mind until they were nothing but tumultuous snippets. Something in him screamed and pleaded to take the documents from his lab coat and chase Cortex down, deliver them, and beg for his forgiveness for his stupidity and cowardice. But the vital part of him that would allow that flow was missing. Instead he stared after his disappearing figure of his superior then looked down at his feet. The pressure in his head continued to build unmercifully. N Gin knitted his brow and heaved a sigh. The first task at hand was to restore the power, he would deal with everything else later.

He waddled slowly through the halls and listening to the howling, violent winds outside as the rain beat against the glass. As he passed by an intersection, he could see one of the windows at the end of that hallway had actually exploded open and rain was pouring in from outside. He watched it a moment then shrugged. His window held up fine, so what did he care? Plus, the breeze from it felt nice as he passed by.

As he slowly made his way down the twisting, narrow hallways he found something of a solace in the darkness. The dim light was kind to his eyes and was soothing his pounding head somewhat. The occasional flashes and streaks of colour as he blinked were disorienting, but they, too, had lessened in the darkness.

The time alone did bring lingering thoughts back, and naturally he thought of Nefarious. He wondered what he was doing, or if he was even here to endure the storm. He wondered what he was working on, or if he would see him again. Then, naturally, he wondered why he still cared so much about any of these things when he had been so deeply wounded by the man.

N Gin slowed his pace and caught himself, casting a wavering glance up at the beautiful mural on the ceiling. He passed by it every time he went to Nefarious' study. This was not the right way, but he had taken it out of habit. It was ingrained in him after taking the same route countless times every day for weeks. He stood there for a while, listening to the rain outside and watching his lantern's light dance lazily around him. His curiosity compelled him to carry on this route, but he resisted.

After a time he sighed and turned, correcting his path and shuffling ever slowly towards the castle's source of power. The pressure in his head was great and he grumbled to himself as he took the long, winding stone staircase down to the cellars. The spacious room was an odd mixture of the original interior and metal. They'd had little time to devote to remodeling it entirely, so while half was warm, blinking machinery, the rest of brick and stone. Usually there was great warmth down here and a deafening hum, but right now there was just frigid silence. He could hear his own, trembling breathing as he reached the bottom of the staircase. The blackness was abyssal and suffocating, and he felt very exposed as he slowly made his way, hand outstretched to feel ahead.

N Gin held his lantern out and squinted his eyes to try and focus. His footsteps echoed quietly around him, and soon the thud of metal changed to the click of stone under his feet. For now, the generators were best suited surrounded by the original interior. The perpetually cool brick and natural vents of the small clerestory windows allowed continuous airflow. The only issue is the windows lacked panes and the ground near them was constantly damp. Still, as long as there was no flooding, it posed no great risk for the machinery. Right now, he found the delicate plodding of the rain dripping from the windows comforting as he navigated through the dark.

It was entirely black down here, save for his own little radius of light. The ceiling was high and the walls widespread, untouchable by his meager lamp. Unnerved would not even begin to describe the anxious jittering in his stomach. He scolded himself and clumsily used the wall as his guide. When he turned a corner the wall left him and was replaced with something else. It felt oddly soft, and he wondered if it was a forgotten tapestry. It pulled away from him as suddenly as he touched it and he let out a startled, trembling gasp in response.

He then laughed to himself nervously as he turned around in place, his lantern now clutched tightly to his body for some sense of comfort. All that met him was heavy, perpetual darkness and silence. He wasn't even sure where anything was at this point. He chuckled again at himself, though it lacked mirth. Surely he was just being silly, the only thing down here with him were scurrying mice and water beetles. It wasn't as though he were afraid, of course, he was just being... _cautious_. Yes, that is what he would tell himself. 

Maybe waiting until morning wasn't such a terrible idea, and he could always explain it away to Dr Cortex that he'd been busy probing around in Nefarious' study. After standing in the darkness, he succumbed to his cowardice thoughts and it allowed him the motivation to uproot himself. There was a problem, as he realized in his nervous cycles of turning he had completely lost all sense of direction. 

In his sudden panic he'd forgotten how to get out of here. He stood still for a long time, clutching the small glowing light and slowly shuffling forward. The walk felt endless but in reality he knew he had covered very little distance. The cellar was spacious, but not as enormous as the oppressive blackness around him made it out to be.

When he made contact with something again he started, then sighed and laughed at himself with relief when he realized it was just the generator, cold and desolate. N Gin's relief withered as he swore he heard something around him. He held his breath, waiting, but when nothing came of it he let it out and shook his head dismissively.

Maybe he was just being paranoid. Since he was already here he decided he would take a look at it. He sat the lantern down beside him and flipped the hatch to the large device open, straining his eyes against the darkness and the smoke that poured from the machine to try and find out what the problem was.

The hairs on his neck prickled as he felt like he was being watched. He looked behind him but, naturally, could see nothing. N Gin shrugged and shook his head, scolding himself under his breath for being such a wuss. But the feeling would not subside and it made his anxiety rapidly grow. His focus was wavering and suddenly he shrieked as something gently brushed his shoulder.

He frantically stumbled back to escape whatever it was. There was a stabbing pang in his chest as Nefarious bent down some to enter his small radius of light and greet him from the darkness, "I didn't mean to scare you."

"Y-you didn't..." N Gin said defensively. _Asshole_. It had to have been intentional, his lips were twitching as he struggled to hold back that smirk he got. N Gin glared at him, steam venting from his head. He felt an array of emotions, and the surprise compounded his anger. He hadn't seen the man in days, and the sudden, unwelcome reunion left him feeling flustered, "What are you doing here?"

"I was hoping to talk to you." Nefarious said casually and lowered himself more to N Gin's level. The way the light curved around his features was eerie and intimidating.

N Gin swallowed the lump in his throat and looked up at him, scowling, "I don't want to talk to you."

"I know. But _I_ want to talk to _you_." His tone wavered slightly in amusement. How was anything about this funny? He seemed almost excited about something. 

N Gin rubbed his hands together and glanced from Nefarious to the broken generator. The timing of his appearance was uncanny. He raised his brow curiously, "Did you do this?"

He was met with silence as he looked over to the generator then back to N Gin. There was nothing that needed to be said. He _had_ done this.  
N Gin found himself almost flattered he had gone out of his way just to get his attention, and gave a low giggle before catching himself and returning to his angered state. He huffed and turned his back to the man as he started to shuffle off to examine what kind of damage he'd done to the generator. 

Nefarious gently grasped him by the collar of his lab coat and pulled him back, "You're being childish-"

" _I'm_ being childish?" He spun around, eyes wide as he laughed incredulously, " _You're_ the one who sabotaged my machines and waited in the dark like s-some... some _creep_ , because you can't handle being told 'no'."

"Please-"

"I-I trusted you- I _trusted_ you because I thought you were different. But, you aren't, are you? You're just... Y- You _stole_ my life's creation from me and then act like _I'm_ overreacting...." 

Nefarious gave him a look as though he _knew_ something but would not voice it. It made N Gin suddenly nervous that the look was tied to his own thievery, but saying anything would be an admission of his own guilt. 

"Gin, please, just listen to me-" 

No, no, _no_ , he didn't want to do this. Hearing his name so casually, so affectionately from the doctor's lips _incensed_ him. He was so angry and hurt and seeing Tropy's face just brought all of these feelings to the surface. He wanted to bury them, to eat them, to do anything but actually deal with them. He felt helplessly thrust into a situation that he was not prepared for, and he was so _angry_ at Nefarious for being the one responsible. 

The doctor was trying to placate him, to sooth him. All it did was made him feel patronized and he could not hear the words being offered to him. His breathing quickened and his eye burned as tears stung and threatened to come forth. He was shaking, his thoughts rapidly circling his mind like flashing lights and left him feeling dazed. The slow mutterings of Nefarious were incoherent and muffled, they were infuriating- they were too much. Everything was too much. This wasn't fair, _this wasn't fair_.

" _YOU. USED. ME_!" He erupted in sudden, unbridled anger, all of his frustrations from the previous days mounting all in one single sentence. The outcry was punctuated by a sudden backfire of the missile in his head that startled the both of them. His words clung to the walls and echoed back to him again, and again. He knew Nefarious was saying something to him now but he couldn't hear it, not over the high ringing in his ears that would not relent. He felt sick and his mouth was numb and electric, but his throat burned and ached from the sheer volume of his screaming.

He could smell burnt hair and the noxious exhaust that snaked out of his missile port. It made him nauseated and was disoriented in his painful stupor. His entire body felt like it was ignited with electricity and he could not get his eyes to focus. He realized he was drooling on himself and in a moment of clarity cursed inwardly at himself. This was so pathetically _humiliating_. He couldn't even tell someone off without his head nearly exploding.

N Gin wobbled and then sat down uneasily on the ground. Dark splotches swarmed around him and he closed his eyes to will them to leave. He knew the doctor was speaking to him, but his voice wavered in and out. All he could focus on was the extreme fullness in his head and deep throbs of pain.

He wasn't certain if he had actually lost consciousness, but as his dulled senses slowly returned, he sighed weakly in relief at the soothing, methodical pressure circling against his forehead and temple. It was cool and refreshing and helped to ground him from his literal eruption. N Gin cracked open an eye, giving a small groan of annoyance when he was met with Nefarious. He wanted to swat him away, but either he lacked the strength or mental will. His affection, though small, awakened a trembling cozy warmth inside of him to settle among the hurt and anxiety. He stubbornly wanted to hold onto his anger, and felt almost ashamed for being so easily swayed.

Nefarious was patient with him while he gradually regained his awareness. It was difficult to discreetly steal glances at the man looming over him, as every time he would try he was being stared at, himself. As he came into focus he could detect a trace of concern on the doctor's face and all it did was add to his hurt. It also made him feel guilty for yelling, which further compounded his feelings.

"I didn't use you. I would never do such a thing. Just give me five minutes. That's all I'm asking. Please, allow me to explain myself." He implored the smaller man, still slowly massaging his forehead and temple with precision and ease. N Gin rolled his eyes tiredly and gave a defeated murmur of agreement. If the doctor would keep rubbing his forehead he would let him say whatever he wanted, for as long as he wanted.

"I didn't steal from you." He paused and clucked his tongue after a hesitation, "Okay, so I may have _technically_ stolen from you. But it isn't what you think. If you would listen to me it would relieve a lot of your anxiety." 

Again, he felt patronized but instead of unleashing the venomous words poised in his throat, he allowed the doctor the same patience and silence he had paid to him in many other circumstances. He was afraid of what he would hear. At least in this realm of uncertainty anything was possible, he could revisit memories or feelings and build his own delusions from there. But when they were cemented into reality... 

"While you were talking to me, I realized we share common interests." He appeared hesitant to talk about it, almost as though he were embarrassed. All his mannerisms did is confuse him more and make his stomach lurch, "I grew... _impatient_ , waiting on your decision, and the summary you gave me was but a morsel."

He was holding so much back, there were things lingering but he lacked the energy to call him on it. Right now he wished he'd said nothing to begin with. But as he thought this a sickly feeling pooled within him. He had cherished that special, intimate moment with Nefarious, and found himself willing to abandon his pride if he knew he would experience it again, even knowing the outcome. He pulled away from his thoughts, however, and tried to focus again on the doctor before him.

"I wanted to surprise you. I've noticed how... Mm, _poorly_ , you've been recently. I wanted to compare your diagrams with my own."

"I've been doing _'poorly'_ because of _you_." N Gin finally spoke, his voice scratchy and aching. Tropy's face twitched some in a grimace. Those words had wounded him. It was difficult to look at him with such an expression, and so he looked away to avoid it, "So you stole them?" 

"I _copied_ them." Nefarious said with a quip of irritation.

N Gin slowly, tentatively began to rub his hands together. How was that any better? The point was is he took his work from him without even asking. What bothered him the most is how he got it. Everything was still in place, everything was locked and nothing had signs of entry. He had an idea of how he'd got them, and it gnawed at him, "That isn't any different and you know it."

"It was... inappropriate. But you have to believe me that I was never going to take credit for anything. They were for my personal study. They were never meant to be seen by anyone but myself." His tone, so refined and proper, was also so delicate, like a parent talking to their child. It was soothing and made his anger ebb slightly.

Despite this, his remark earned another heavy, smog laden plume of exhaust. It quietly hissed from the port of his missile as the eyed the doctor warily. He suddenly felt embarrassed for his earlier actions, but another part of him felt they were justified. N Gin felt betrayed and rested on uneasy ground, entirely uncertain of what to believe. He _wanted_ to believe Nefarious...

" _I'm sorry_."

The words sounded strained and foreign coming from someone like Tropy. They were so out of place and mismatched to his character. There was no sarcasm, no harsh, dry edge. There was no air of grace or elegance. They sounded meek, pathetic, constricted with hurt. It was painful to hear and twisted something in his chest. It made him angry and nauseated, and it made something in his core ache. He drew in a quivering breath and did not acknowledge his plea, "How did you get them?"

"I... went back." He admitted with a long pause prior.

N Gin shook his head some and gave him a questioning glare. He _knew_ what that meant but he wanted him to say it. He wanted to hear the man's admittance, and he wanted to be wrong.

"I went back to when you showed me your pets, and I looked through everything as a ghost, as an observer. I found your notes, memorized them, and... I copied them."

Though he'd known, having it confirmed bothered him and made his stomach turn. It was so _deceptive_. That moment, that time together, suddenly lost all of its warm glow and was replaced with an almost disturbed feeling. Right now, the memory now only invoked hurt and anxiety, not butterflies as it did even just a few days ago. He wondered how many times Nefarious had gone back, how many trips had it taken to compile a perfect copy of his work? N Gin swallowed the heavy lump in his throat and pulled away when Nefarious touched his arm gently. 

"That, too, was inappropriate. But... I-I did enjoy listening to your musings, over and over again...." He said kindly in his patient tone. N Gin let out one, single low note of a chuckle. Tropy's words sounded so sappy, but he loved hearing them, and it tore at him inside. The doctor slowly stopped rubbing his forehead and N Gin uttered a small sound of disappointment at the sudden absence.  
Nefarious leaned closer to him and pulled a small device from his lab coat, "I want to show you something. Please."

He glared down at it, his face slowly relaxing as he tried to figure out what it was. It was small, about the size of a thimble, only more narrow but of a similar shape. When Tropy caught his look of confusion he explained, "I made this for you. This is why I wanted your notes, I wanted to... well, I was hoping to surprise you. This is just the first of many ideas. I was working on... something else, prior, but in light of recent events, I think you would benefit from this the most right now."

"What-what, um... what does it do?" N Gin felt conflicted and dazed as he looked at it. What if Dr Cortex was right and he was trying to use him as a source of sabotage? He had taken his research by manipulating their time together and using it to spy on his most private things. But on the other hand, he felt a sincerity to the doctor's words and his anxiety was slowly dissipating the longer the man lingered beside him.

"Basically, it's like a depressurizer. The missile is still live, right? So, it expands and contracts as it goes from dormant to active, making the metal swell in your head and pressing against your brain tissue as it attempts to drive further down. I'm not too far off?"

N Gin shook his head some and watched him with caution. The display earlier had just proven how right his idea was. It made him uneasy how much Nefarious knew. He wasn't used to people listening to him, or observing him, so closely. The small gestures slowly and steadily pulled his rage away and unraveled it like thread from a shirt.

"So this..." He settled closely beside N Gin, taking his hand gently and placing the small bobble between his fingers. Nefarious grazed his own over the device, carefully pointing to each area as he spoke about it, " _This_ will be implanted directly into the external section of the firing chamber and these wires expand to connect to the central control unit. Now, this right here is what's left exposed, towards the base. If I'm right, it should shut off the firing mechanism, and redirect the pressure through the exhaust port. It isn't perfect, and it won't stop you from getting migraines... _but_ , It should allow you to reduce the pressure to some degree manually, rather than having to wait for it to dissipate on its own."

In other words, as he understood it, this would allow him more control over the missile's activity, and when it activated. It could reduce the severity of his migraines, and other ailments. It could possibly allow him to be a functioning human being again. N Gin glanced from him to the small device, dumbfounded. This is what Nefarious had been working on? The gestures was so sweet, thoughtful, and it made the sickly knotted feeling in his stomach shift over into nervous, excited jitters, "How-how did you..."

"I have something similar I use in my field research. I was thinking how it reduces the pressure on my internal organs all at once, and I was curious if I could apply the same mechanic to that little head of yours." He smirked confidently as N Gin stared up at him. He was silent before asking eagerly, "Do you want to try it?"

N Gin continued to stare at it and glanced back to Nefarious, his worries very apparent. He was afraid to try anything different because one small mistake would result in dire, and possibly irreversible, consequences. Did he trust the man with something so delicate? He wanted to, and he greedily stared at the promising little bobble before him. His cowardice got the better of him, however, and he tried to pass it off, "I-I can't see what I'm doing,..."

"I was going to implant it." He said casually then added, "If that's alright?"

He let out an odd, wavering sound of uncertainty as he looked away. He had never let anyone even be near him when he was working on his system, let alone work on it for him. It was so strangely intimate, and he had trusted no one to that degree. N Gin looked over to Nefarious' hand that held the bobble. His fingers were slender and steady as they toyed with the small device, wobbling it back and forth between his thumb and finger enticingly.

"What's the worst thing that could happen?" Nefarious chortled, "We both explode?"

"Uh, _well_..." N Gin began with a murmur but quieted himself. His head felt like it was going to burst at any moment and the painful heat welling in his head was nearly unbearable. He gave a small, awkward nod and slowly twiddled his thumbs as Nefarious unhinged the small covering towards the crown of his head. If he had memorized his notes enough to copy them down from memory, he would have a pretty good idea of what he was doing.

He was prodding something and adjusting some wires, judging by the horrendous sound in his ears. It was loud and grating and gave him the sensation he was chewing on tinfoil. Despite the possible implications, the whole situation was oddly relaxing and N Gin let his mind wander. It allowed him time to digest what Tropy had said to him.

He was still hurt, and upset, but the feelings were continuing to dissolve. He found he enjoyed the presence of the man behind him, looming over him as he quietly muttered little quips to himself as he worked. Nefarious was close, and he could feel the gentle rise and fall of his stomach with each breath he took and every small vibration that resonated through him with his pleasantries.

N Gin shifted suddenly at the sharp, prickling sensation that ran from the tip of his head down to his fingertips. It made his hands twitch violently and upset his fidgeting. He suddenly felt anxious when he heard Nefarious hiss something under his breath. As if sensing his anxiety he stilled the smaller man by gently, briefly, ruffling those slender fingers of his through his hair before resuming his work. His ears reddened and the small feeling of lightness gradually grew in his chest.

The differing sensations and sounds in his head were bothersome, but tolerable. Again there was that strange, electric feeling shooting through him and making his fingertips and tongue numb. It was oddly painful and made his eye twitch involuntarily but it slowly subsided. There was a cold, trickling sensation slowly sliding over his scalp, followed by harsh snap of something being fit into place.

"I think that should do it. Why don't you give it a go?" Nefarious huffed and lowered himself again to be more on N Gin's level. Much like that day, he was so animated, happy. He stared at the taller man openly as he tried to process exactly what was going on. He wanted to cling to his anger like a scolded child, but found it gradually slipping out of his grasp the longer he listening to the man, and the longer he sat beside him. Nefarious took his stares of reflection as fear.

"I know that right now, it's difficult, and I'm in no position to ask, but please trust me." Tropy said softly and rested his hands on his slumped shoulders. He allowed the touch and clumsily felt around the area where the missile and his head merged along that raised, metal cuff. It was always so odd touching something that was a part of him, but had no actual feeling. Nefarious took his hand and navigated him to the correct spot and his finger caught small niche shown to him. His hand remained poised here for so long his arm began to shake from fatigue. The prospect was so enticing, so promising, but his fear made him hesitate.

There were so many terrible things that could happen. After everything, could he trust Nefarious? He so desperately wanted to. He inhaled deeply then depressed the small bobble and let out an odd mewl as he felt suddenly dizzy, his head flooded with heat and a deep rush. It was similar to the sensation of standing up too fast and having fizzy drink in your nose. It was intense, painful, but quickly over as the feeling settled. He exhaled sharply and leaned forward as if to ground himself as the hot feeling trickled away. The pulsating pressure in his head was _gone_.

N Gin turned to look at the taller man, his eyes wide with disbelief. A slow, knowing smile graced Nefarious' features in response. It had actually _worked_. The clarity in his head was remarkable, astounding, and something he hadn't felt in years. He was almost afraid to believe it was real. It made him excited and shake with nervous, eager energy. Tropy raised his brows, his expression just a tad smug as he looked down at him. He tilted his head a bit, curiously, "Better?"

He nodded dumbly. It was far more wonderful than 'better'. It was beyond words. Why had he never thought of something like this? The low, throbbing pain continued, ever present, but it was so _manageable_ without the constant build up of pressure. He felt like crying, not from sadness, but from the relief and hope he felt with the introduction of this small little device. It made him wonder what else Nefarious could do for him, or what else they could do together. These alluring thoughts enticed him and made him forget his anguish. His voice was almost a whine as he spoke, "Th-thank you, sir."

"Nefarious." He corrected calmly.

"N-Nefarious, sir..." He said in a small, wavering tone as he smiled some. It felt so strange, but delightful, calling him his given name. Still, the lingering question resided, "Why... didn't you just tell me what you were doing?"

"Ah... I was impulsive, I suppose is the short of it. I was excited, eager..." Nefarious cleared his throat uncomfortably and added in an aside, " _I may have wanted to impress you..._ "

It was quick and hushed, but he'd heard it. In a delayed fashion he felt his mouth curve into a small smile and his stomach quivered, but not in the sickly manner as it had earlier. Now, hundreds of tiny, fluttering moths resided where clinging pools decay had lingered over the last several days. The lightness in his chest was slowly spreading through his body and invigorating him.

He felt Nefarious brush gently through his hair again as he closed and secured the small hatch of his head plate. N Gin said nothing as he processed his words. He felt like he should believe him, but naturally he doubted himself. Was he just lonely? Was Nefarious just continuously manipulating him? What if this thing implanted in his head was some sort of mind control system? No... none of those accusations felt right to him. 

He felt a happiness here with Tropy. Even in the dismal, smokey room of ruined machinery, fungus, and insects, he felt a sense of contentment he hadn't realized he was missing. Nefarious looked at him, complacent, then raised his brows as though a sudden, brilliant idea popped into his head, " _Say_ , since we're on the topic of thievery... what are you going to do with _my_ files you stole?"

His face flushed and a nervous, shrill giggle escaped him. So Tropy _had_ known. He didn't know why he felt so caught and surprised that the doctor knew, it wasn't as though he had been stealthy about it, after all. When N Gin could offer no response, the doctor continued dryly, "I _know_ what you were doing. Do you _really_ think I didn't see this coming? It was only a matter of time, after all."

"What do you mean?"

"Cortex is _very_ predictable and he's been after something of mine in particular since we started... 'working together', if you can even call it that." Nefarious scowled then looked back down at N Gin, his expression softening.

N Gin sighed and, after a delay, sheepishly took the damaged file out of his lab coat. He could see the intrigued look that spread over Nefarious' features. His nostrils flared some as he drew in a deep breath. His most prized possession was mere inches away, what a rush of excitement, and anxiety, he must feel upon seeing it in the hands of another.

"So are you going to do it? Are you going to give Cortex what he wants?" Tropy looked down at him. His fingers twitched slightly, as though he wanted to impulsively grab it, but had to stop himself. N Gin looked at him in silence and thought for a long time, mesmerized by the swaying, eerie light that danced slowly over the doctors sharp features. If he did this, if he gave it back to Nefarious, he was fearful what would happen when he delivered the news of his failure to Cortex. He worried what sort of punishment would await him, or if he would be allowed to stay here at all. Would he even be allowed to live? 

But this feeling, this strange sensation of hope and comfort that lingered inside him when he was around Nefarious was so intoxicating and alluring. He turned his head and looked at the man, unblinking as he mulled over his thoughts. The exact expression was unreadable, but it bore him no ill will, no disdain or contempt. He was met with patience. What surprised him most is he was being given a choice, Nefarious was going to willingly let him decide. What would followed after, he wasn't certain, but for now he was being allowed a choice. He swallowed hard and returned his gaze to the creased folder in his hands.

N Gin felt almost mournful as he came to his conclusion, "No." 

He felt Nefarious shift beside him as he held the file out in offering. Tropy was silent, hesitating to take it, his fingers twitching ever slightly. His voice was soft, but not without a note of surprise, "You... realize the decision you're making?"

He did, he was so painfully aware that he was choosing sides, and that he was was, ultimately, betraying Cortex. Nefarious gingerly took the file from him and pulled him near, drawing him into his lap and earning a startled wheeze from the smaller man. His tone was unwavering and sincere, "Thank you." 

Thank you. Those words, too, sounded foreign from his lips. It was so genuinely kind and unfamiliar. His chest constricted, but in the most pleasant way. He had never been so close to another person, not under these circumstances, and it made his heart pound in his chest. Every bit of residual anger left him as the doctor hugged him, his rage being replaced with that warm, fuzzy blanket swaddling his mind.

"I want to work with you..." N Gin said sleepily after a lull, "But I won't if you go behind my back and do things."

"Hmm what if it's a surprise party for you?" Tropy smirked coyly as he teased.

"Okay that's... That isn't fair you know what I mean." N gin snorted. The arms around him tightened, ever gently. Nefarious shared a small chuckle with him before adding in a more somber tone, "Never again."

His flourishing excitement in his chest made it feel full to bursting. He had gone from utter despair to contentment and joy over the span of an hour. The clarity in his head was remarkable and thinking of the small device in his head, though simple, made his eye sting with joyful tears. He felt... happy, and right. He felt hopeful and inspired. 

Among this, N Gin suddenly remembered the original reason he came down here and a small prickle of anxiety chipped its way through the hazy warmth that clouded his mind.  
"I- I really need to fix the generator. Dr Cortex has to be miserable sitting by himself in the dark..." N Gin said as he pulled away, suddenly worried. It made him feel as though he were committing some great atrocity. It was bad enough he was betraying his superior, should he leave him to sit in the dark as well?

Nefarious chortled lowly and drew the small man into another hug, pulling him to rest his back against his chest. His long arms looped around him loosely, comfortably, "I say let him simmer, I'm quite comfortable down here, and I have no intentions of moving."

How fickle he was, as it was the only incentive he needed to remain settled against Tropy. The only sound among them was the torrents of muffled rain and thunder outside the castle. The silence was not fearful or worrying like many times before. It was devoid of anxiety and animosity. Rather, it was peaceful and comfortable, serene. It made him feel groggy in the most wonderful way. He relaxed against the man as the lingering worries ebbed off, blooming warmth replacing constricting thorns. For a moment he felt as though he might doze off, but Nefarious interrupted the silence with a quiet voice, strained with an audible grin, "I never realized you had such a _short fuse_..."

He was taken off guard by the joke and let out a sudden, obnoxious giggle. N Gin began to wring his hands, not out of fear, but out of restless, gleeful energy. He was vaguely aware he was trembling slightly from this as well. It was all consuming and overwhelming, but exhilarating. He felt Nefarious' hands brush over his own to still them. His touches were kind, considerate, meaningful. Tropy drew the small hands into his own and held them, slowly tracing the ridges of his his knuckles with his thumb. The small wisp of steam gave away the embarrassed smile that spread over his features and he heard Nefarious' low, quiet chuckle again, "Ah, you're precious..."

 _Precious_. The doctor's flattery made him feel dizzy and warm. The hands resting on his own clutched tighter. He was held closer and he shivered more with that delightful, bubbling energy in his core. 

He was uncertain what awaited him tomorrow. The lingering fear that resided over him was distant, minimal, in this moment. He basked in his soft affection, the feeling of his smile against his ear as Nefarious muttered about his various plans and ideas, of what they could accomplish together. He was excited as he spoke in his low, dulcet tone. He paid him praise, admiration, and the occasional small kiss against the shaved part of his head. His cool lips were such a wonderfully sharp contrast to his heated face, and his words were hypnotic and submerged him entirely. Though so much uncertainty and doubt resided within the smaller man, in this moment he felt a small confidence in Nefarious' words.

Time was still as he lingered in this comfort. He only broke from it to implore the doctor of a sudden urgency, something frantic he suddenly recalled he needed to tell him. Naturally, he leaned closer, concerned, curious. There were no words, rather a soft, shy kiss initiated by the little cyborg, humid steam punctuating his nervousness. Nefarious quietly, teasingly scolded him for being so deceptive, then returned his affections and kissed him again. His mind buzzed pleasantly, and amidst this something Nefarious had said wafted slowly through his thoughts. He had hope, and belief, that together they could, indeed, create something truly remarkable. 


End file.
